FRIENDSHIP IN RETROPECTION

This post is dedicated to all my friends whom I met at some point of time and had shared some good memories.

It was 1 in the night and I was lying on my bed trying to sleep. My cellphone beeped. I picked up the phone and read the message. It was a message from one of my friends with whom I haven’t been in contact from months. Probably from a year. It read “when a very sweet and close person goes too far from us, we may say or not say, but our heart says to their heart: u made me alone. Gud nyt !! ”

I don’t know whether what the message read was true and she meant it or it was just a message which you can get anywhere on any site on internet and people keep on forwarding to their as many friends as in their list just to utilize the full money of their message pack. But that message has raised a hellnuma lot of questions in my mind, not just about her, but about all my friends. For next 30 minutes I wasn’t able to sleep and was became preoccupied thinking about the time when we were friends. How occasionally we used to text and ring each other and suddenly. And suddenly all of a sudden both of us become preoccupied with our own jobs and even since day we didn’t even bother to contact each other. No calls and no messages. Even no “hi” on chats. That message reminded me of all my friends since my childhood, my school friends, my coaching friends, my college friends and other whom I met circumstantially. I was wondering how all of us drifted away with the flow of time without even knowing where the flow is seperating. I opened my contact list on my phone and tried reading all my contacts and to wonder there were dozens of friends whom I haven’t been in contact for months.

Ask from yourself. The people with whom you used to talk, call, message or chat two years ago, with how many of them you still are in contact with. Don’t count the number of “yes”. Count the number of those friends with whom now you are not in contact or perhaps haven’t asked about their whereabouts. It is obvious with time we make new friends and our friend circle keeps on increasing. We mix up with our new friends but ofcourse in the corner of our heart there are the memories with our old good friends which keeps the feeling of friendship alive. And whenever you introspect those memories it rejuvenates.

I happened to notice all those friends and tried finding the reason by we haven’t been in contact from months. With some of them I lost contact after summer vacations. Some of them changed their numbers. Some became busy in their exams. Some became busy with their job. We got preoccupied with our new friends that we didn’t wish to contact our old friends and soon lost the contact. And all of a sudden I wished to talk to all of those friends who made me feel special at some point of time. I thought of calling all those friends tomorrow to ask them how are they doing, to tell them I still care.

The next day I called all my friends my school friends, my coaching friends, everyone whom I can contact. And let me tell you everyone was surprised why all of a sudden I called them for without any reason. One friend even messaged me after my call saying “Sahil, you are impossible!”.

Was my act that silly?

I don’t know but I felt a little more complete after calling them. Yet they responded indifferently, and they weren’t that open with me as they used to be, but still it felt good. And I was happy for this little feeling called friendship.

PS: Call today all such friends if you haven't think of doing that in months.

PS: Happy Friendship Day.

PS: @all my friends: love you all !!

MISSING DELHI :(

My 40 days stay in Delhi was, without a doubt, the best period of my college life till now. It was like a 40 days package of fun, fullto masti and infinite independence.. Though the last 10 days were not so good as my 2 mobile phones and a wallet was stolen from my room from the hostel. Still I didn’t stop enjoying my time and had many trips even after that. I had seen almost the entire Delhi which includes India gate, akshardham mandir, rastrapati bhawan, red fort, lotus temple, chandni chowk and its famous paranthe vali gali, deer park, museums and art galleries, and the zoological garden. On the very last day I had a trip to Agra and Mathura, and finally managed to see one of the 7 wonders of the world-the Taj Mahal.

Some of the best times at Delhi were:

Visit to many places like malls, historical monuments, gardens and parks, museums and excursions with friends.

Late night walks in the campus and bakar session which most of the time revolve around the word “sex”.

One after other glasses of ice tea and cold drinks during late night.

Sitting idle on hostel terrace and seeing the vehicles on the highway for hours in vertigo.

“Vigorous chatting” and “facebooking” continuously for hours late in the night, infect throughout the day.

Enormous photoshoots in weird poses.

Bunking mess food and having a dinner at Fx or Ber sarai.

Tasting enormous junk food at different places at Delhi and chucking a lot of money on the same. Nearly every night we thought of having dinner at some new places like Sub or Mac D or something new.

Watching football matches with enormous footballs fans.

The best part - The Delhi girls and modern Delhi life.

The search for a thief and bribing a policeman.

Did I tell you that I was on a summer project there?? Lol !!

LIFE @ DELHI

At the last moment it was finalized that I would be doing a project in IITD during summers. I joined IITD as a casual student on 31st may. 

Delhi life is hectic and in some ways pathetic too. Traffic sucks and so does the red lights which are at every half km. 

Delhi is too costly for a person like me who is used to the prices of Rohtak and Roorkee. Even the auto rickshaw driver overcharges us. It took just 2 weeks to reduce me to a pauper. 

Pollution level is too high. It suffocates me sometimes. 

Delhi is too good a city to enjoy. 

I so desperately want to see night life of Delhi. 

IITD campus is less green than IITR’s but I like being here. I love food courts here, especially Fx. Though I hate working here. Mess food is good then R’s. Breakfast is so “not insipid” like R’s that I can’t miss it. There is a water shortage problem everywhere even in our hostel. Net connectivity is too good but 500 mb/week limit sucks. Even a good quality HD porn is of 500 mb alone. ;)

I have trouble sleeping in the hostel rooms due to high temperatures. Later I found lunatic solutions. Now I sleep in the reading room. I sleep in the T.V room. I sleep on the yellow grass of the garden. I sleep on the terrace. I even sleep sitting on the chair. I sleep everywhere except on my bed. 

People are so mean here. No hard feelings. 

I forget to talk about my project which is ofcourse the least and last in my priority list. Well I have to learn a software Fluent after which I will be engaged in a project. We have to develop a 3-D terrain using x,y and z coordinates which will be rained and the direction of flow of water will be taken care of to conclude its surface properties. It did sound good to me. 

PS:
My parents were so afraid sending me here. They always aware me that Delhi is a criminal city and you have to be careful everywhere from pickpockets and cutpurses. Plus they are afraid that Delhi traffic might knock me anytime as they think I am too careless, which I am. They have a point. 

I haven’t read a novel since last 2 3 months. I so wanna read one now. Plus I had so many plans during my stay here. I wanna get busy in them now. Plus I have started feeling a little embarrassed being called “vella insaan” by few of my friends. So I must get busy now. Plus this is such a wonderful fucking free time which I don’t think I will ever get in my future. 

I have learnt a lot from few people’s “No”. Please keep saying it. 

Thanks Karishma Di. You made me feel special in yesterday night's chat.  Plus you gave me reasonable reasons why I should be single.

In my home I cleaned my room which I used for my JEE preparation and lot of old memories got renewed. I found lot of books which I used during that period. I was surprised at those days of my life when I used to study so passionately. Now I realize “Those were the days!” I even found my JEE question paper. Astonishingly I couldn’t even solve single question of it. 

Just a second before I came to know that I have become "Chachu". Cheers to bhahiya and bhabhi. 

Signing off from Delhi.
GoodBye

RANDOM

So long that I have written something about myself. So I am penning down random things that happened since last couple of months.

1.       I lost blogomania event for which I had worked sincerely. Fake voting sucks, I swear.

2.       Last two months had been the fastest months of my college life, so far.

3.       I screwed both my midsems and end sems. I have realized that marks are not raised by sincere efforts but by smart efforts.

4.       The time between January and April were the worst period of my love life.

5.       I haven’t been at home since Holi and I don’t know why I am not feeling nostalgic.

6.       I have not yet decided the summer plans albeit my holidays have begun. I am in awkward quandary between options and I am having strange feelings about ending up at none.

7.       I have made some good friends in IITR in the last month.

8.       I am still confused about my future plans after B.Tech, though I can’t see any other option better than CAT.

9.       Last month has been the best month so far as sophomore.

10.   I have started following phlegmatic approach towards teenage love.

11.   Few people mean a lot to me in my life. Keep loving me.

12.   8^th April was the luckiest day of this semester. In internal room allotment I got the room exactly of my choice whose probability was only 1 in 100.

13.   25^th April was the unluckiest day of this semester. I was caught taking a journal mistakenly, infact two, out of the Central Library. I had to go through a series painful and embarrassing procedure after which they finally agreed to my oblivion.

14.   This month I had eaten dinner outs more than I have eaten in last two years.

15.   Low in cash nowadays.[:(]

16.   I don’t understand how at the end of semester things sort out themselves. From studies to friends to personal problems. But this time it has bring a lot of changes in me.

17.   I am single. God! I love being single. I want to be a quintessential single this time.

.... AND I QUIT

Kabhi kisi k liye aanshu mat bahana,

Kyuki vo tumhare aanshu k kaabil nhi hoga;

Aur jo unke kaabil hoga,

Vo tumhe kabhi rone nahi dega.


There are some times in your life, when you feel like quitting. I am not writing this post without any reason but to tell you that this week was one of such worst time when I was hurt badly by few people in my life who left me feeling betrayed and left me their everlasting footprints on me. I am left wondering with a strange feeling that how people can change so easily. I have shed much of my tears in this week than I ever had in my life. After so many years, I cried freely and openly in my locked room thinking about them. My mind has stopped working and heart has been hurt badly and I have become insomniac. I am chastised for my mistakes which I did unknowingly and unintentionally. It has increased my mistrust towards people and attitude towards life and only helped me become more of a misanthrope, and left me with a feeling that I do hate myself, though sometimes I am unable to accept it. Nothing is going fine and every misunderstanding with people is just taking its worst sharp corner.


I feel like quitting. I feel like crying more and more. I feel like leaving this world. I feel like killing someone. I feel like hugging someone. I feel like... oh! To hell with what I feel. My feelings are surely a submissive slut and my tears are its most prized customer. So fuck you all who have hurt me.


I need time. I need you. I wish to go to past and make things right. I wish I get another chance to do all those things again. I need my space to live in this world. I want to be alone. I want to cry more. I wanna look into my glistening eyes. I want to listen to your voice. I want to get more hurt. I want to quit.


I think I need a break. A break from everything. A break from us. A break from we. A break from love. A break from hatredness. A break from friendship. A break from euphoria. A break from agony. A break from fun. A break from dullness. A break from truth. A break from lie. A break from you. A break from me. A break to forget you. A break to forgive you. A break to forgive myself. A break to find myself. A break to explore myself. A break to know myself. A break to understand myself. A break to buoy up myself. A break to feel rejuvenation. A break to approach life pragmatically. A break to live the life in a way it should be, rather than the way I wanted to.


I hope when I wake up tomorrow, everything will be fine and all old memories will be dead. I wish I may start a new fresh and refreshing life from tomorrow, a life completely different than that I am living, a life where I am the only protagonist, every thought concentrated only on myself, a life full of positive energy and enthusiasm, leaving every bad memory behind as a tough lesson for me. I wish I will forget my past which is nothing but gale of emotions torturing my soul.



PS: I am inactive nowadays on social network like orkut, gtalk and facebook. Don’t try to contact me through it. If your calls and messages are not entertained, please don’t mind.


PS: Adieu

IN RETROSPECT: LESSONS OF 2009

2009 has passed. But this year has given me many things and taught me some of the toughest lessons of my life. Following are the 12 most important things I learnt in my previous year: 

1) Nothing lasts forever. Say it happiness, grief, anxiety or excitement. Everything, every feeling, every sentiment and every thought will change sometime. So better enjoy the moment you are happy.

2) Some wounds never heal. Similarly there are few people in your life who come and go leaving their footprints in your mind, heart and soul, and you are never ever the same. 

3) There are some moments in your life when you are busy and start neglecting your friends, your relatives and yourselves. This can be the best time of your life for a moment, but later everyone regrets these moments. So better live in a controlled way, balancing your relations with your work. 

4) There are times when you need to make decisions based on priorities. At those times use your brain rather than heart because you may miss some opportunities that are meant to come only once in a lifetime. So never take decisions emotionally. 

5) There are few people who are meant to be part of your life, no matter how strong you try to push them away. Some relations are completely controlled by destiny, and you don’t have your say in these matter. So accept such people without giving much thought to it. 

6) If people misunderstand you, it’s their problem, not yours. You can try to make them believe in you, you can beg, plead, struggle to explain them but you will never succeed. So better give up already.

7) There is never the last time. NEVER. Mr. Late is always far better than Mr. Never.

8) Chocolate is always the solution for every problem. So eat lot of chocolates.

9) Being innocent never works. You can have a girl who loves your innocent character but life will suck you to the core. So you better be cunning, as well.

10) When it comes to my parents, I will sell my soul and principles, if I have to. 

11) To stay in a sound happy relationship, not being loved is the least of your worries. For maintaining a healthy working relationship, there are lot of other things like acceptability, character, mutual understanding, nature and compatibility. Then only a relation can work. 

Corollary:I am a big flirt. I can't be loyal to any single girl.

12) Proroguing any event is the worst thing that can happen to your work. 

PS: Though I have no resolutions for New Year this time, I will try not to repeat the mistakes I committed in 2009, and learn something from the lessons of 2009.

PS: Some things are better plain, simple and straight, like this post. Writing every post in italics wasn't a good idea.  

PS: Year 2010 can be fun.

Vote for me now! Blogomania 2010 sponsored by Odyssey360 | The 24 hour online book store with 5 milion books to choose from.

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2010

Anoder fucking year has passed... !!

This is my first entry  in this new year-2010. Many of you must have celebrated your new year with a grand party at midnight, may be with your girlfriends, kissing at midnight. i was lying in my bed till 12:00 celebrating my new year online. I was chatting with this girl with a hope to wish her first. But suddenly a minute before 12 my net was disconnected making me feel lethargic. But suddenly I could hear the sounds of people 12..11..10..  ..4..3..2..1.. happy new year...!! I went outside my room only to realise there were firings outside the canteen. I locked my room and went there. All of my friends were sleeping hoping to wake in time for the classes on first day of year. After having spent 30 minutes there i returned to my room and thought “was that’s it?” is this how I celebrated my new year. And yes it was it. Next day i was having my classes, so went to bed.

PS: My fourth semester has begun and i am realising that this semester is gonna be tough one.

PS: I have no resolutions for new year this time. Gauche??

PS: Started F.R.I.E.N.D.S season. I am finding it somewhat similiar to “how i met your mother” but characters are so dumb. :-P

PS: Struggle for a good cgpa continues.

PS: I am working on my vocab.

PS: I am thinking of having my blog on wordpress. Watsay?

PS: byee [:)]