पौने दोसो नकाब है

थोड़ी पी लेता हूँ तो लगता है भेद खुल गए सब इस दुनिया के, सब संगमरमर सा साफ़ है

सोकर उठता हूँ अगली सुबह, चार लोगो से मिलता हूँ, हर एक चेहरे पर पौने दोसो नकाब है

या तो कही गड़बड़ है कुछ हम में, या फिर पूरी कायनात गलत है, पता चलता नहीं माजरा 

बस इतना पता चलता है की असली दोस्त तो है अपने पाच वही, बाकी सबके वायदे बेबुनियाद है

हम तो इस उम्मीद पर टिके थे की वो खुद ही गबन कबूल करेंगे पान खिला कर, गले लगाकर

अब दिल का गुबार निकाले भी तो कैसे, नशे में तो सिर्फ हम है, बाकी अभी भी हाज़िर जवाब है

माना दिल दे कर जुर्म इक हमने भी किया था छोटा सा कभी, पर इतनी सज़ा नहीं बनती थी

ताली भी एक हाथ नहीं बजती, उन्होंने तो हमे ऐसे तड़पाया जैसे उनकी रूह एकदम बेदाग़ है

अभी तक भी तो चल ही रहा था रफ़्तार से सब कुछ, आगे भी चलेगा, मुझे कोई शिकवा नहीं

मैं तो आज भी ना कलम उठाता, मेरी क्या गलती, कुछ दर्द का नशा है बाकी हलकी शराब है

 PS: This poem has been taken from someone's blog as I find it interesting

IT'S KILLING ME FROM INSIDE

Finally I agree with you that I have stop writing lately. And it was for the first time that I gave myself a break in blogging, intentionally. There was a purpose behind it.

First, I wanted to know whether I could live without writing or not. Answer is obviously NO which is the only reason why I have started it again, hopefully.

Second, I didn’t want to start writing again, I mean at this point of time when I am only 5 days away from my end sem examinations. I mean I had thought that I would start writing again from mid May when I would be interning somewhere. Obviously then I would have lot of spare time to kill. But today I couldn’t resist more. I mean lot of things can happen in few days and it did. There are so many things which I wanna fill your heads with right now. If I would start speaking god knows when I would stop. A lot of good as well as bad things happen with me in the beginning of this year and my mind still have those memories afresh. I so wanted to tell you all. Plus I also wrote many offline blogs, things which I write unofficially and never publish out of pride, shame or whatever. I so wanted to publish all those or atleast show them to my very close friends. I hope you could even see the frustration in this very post. I have written so many things on so many topics but I didn’t publish for a purpose.

There are so many persons to whom I wanna say sorry, so many persons to whom I wanna say thanks and so many for vengeance. In this time I have realized who my true friends are, whom should I rely upon in what situation and with whom and when can I share my things that are hard to digest by my little belly. Furthermore I regret for trusting few people more than they could be and I obviously got hurt. I also fell in love and this time I swear it is true (what are you looking at? Don’t give me how-could-you look. It’s only you dumbo. You will never know it and I will never say it and the worst part is that you could never possibly imagine it!). I almost broke down 10 times for different people and for different reasons. I also met few special persons in my life. I did some good things in good company and also some bad things in bad company of good people. I did bad things, I regretted it and did it again.




To sum up this time was vey awesome and prudent for me. I learnt so many things and I have become more mature but emotionally weak in this period. I have absorbed more things than I ever had since my childhood in my heart and I am still absorbing it. Things which are all lying there infront of you to see but never enough to gather that attention of yours. Things which you will only understand when I write. Or may not even then? Things which come from my stomach to my mouth but never come out from my mouth. Things which I want you to understand before I tell you myself. Things which I will never say and you will never bother to ask!

PS: I am writing this with respect to few initial reactions of the readers of this post. Please don't think this post as a love one. This post is not revolving around love or other crap. This is revolving around much bigger and important  concerns in my life. And please !! I am not commited at all. Can't anyone be in love without staying out from commitment. Furthermore love isn't always what you think. It can have different dimensions. Isn't?


PS: This post is not written for a single person or aimed to hit that someone special in my life. This post is written for all and aims equally at all those people who know me. I hope you would put yourself in that shoe for a moment and feel my words.

.... AND I QUIT

Kabhi kisi k liye aanshu mat bahana,

Kyuki vo tumhare aanshu k kaabil nhi hoga;

Aur jo unke kaabil hoga,

Vo tumhe kabhi rone nahi dega.


There are some times in your life, when you feel like quitting. I am not writing this post without any reason but to tell you that this week was one of such worst time when I was hurt badly by few people in my life who left me feeling betrayed and left me their everlasting footprints on me. I am left wondering with a strange feeling that how people can change so easily. I have shed much of my tears in this week than I ever had in my life. After so many years, I cried freely and openly in my locked room thinking about them. My mind has stopped working and heart has been hurt badly and I have become insomniac. I am chastised for my mistakes which I did unknowingly and unintentionally. It has increased my mistrust towards people and attitude towards life and only helped me become more of a misanthrope, and left me with a feeling that I do hate myself, though sometimes I am unable to accept it. Nothing is going fine and every misunderstanding with people is just taking its worst sharp corner.


I feel like quitting. I feel like crying more and more. I feel like leaving this world. I feel like killing someone. I feel like hugging someone. I feel like... oh! To hell with what I feel. My feelings are surely a submissive slut and my tears are its most prized customer. So fuck you all who have hurt me.


I need time. I need you. I wish to go to past and make things right. I wish I get another chance to do all those things again. I need my space to live in this world. I want to be alone. I want to cry more. I wanna look into my glistening eyes. I want to listen to your voice. I want to get more hurt. I want to quit.


I think I need a break. A break from everything. A break from us. A break from we. A break from love. A break from hatredness. A break from friendship. A break from euphoria. A break from agony. A break from fun. A break from dullness. A break from truth. A break from lie. A break from you. A break from me. A break to forget you. A break to forgive you. A break to forgive myself. A break to find myself. A break to explore myself. A break to know myself. A break to understand myself. A break to buoy up myself. A break to feel rejuvenation. A break to approach life pragmatically. A break to live the life in a way it should be, rather than the way I wanted to.


I hope when I wake up tomorrow, everything will be fine and all old memories will be dead. I wish I may start a new fresh and refreshing life from tomorrow, a life completely different than that I am living, a life where I am the only protagonist, every thought concentrated only on myself, a life full of positive energy and enthusiasm, leaving every bad memory behind as a tough lesson for me. I wish I will forget my past which is nothing but gale of emotions torturing my soul.



PS: I am inactive nowadays on social network like orkut, gtalk and facebook. Don’t try to contact me through it. If your calls and messages are not entertained, please don’t mind.


PS: Adieu