Dear 2011, you were a wonderful and a very remarkable year
in my life. You brought everything in my life that I dreamt of in the beginning
of this year. As said in my previous New Year blog post, it was supposed to be a
very crucial year in my life. And so it was. I had my internship, my CAT exam
and placements in this year. And thank to the almighty God that all ended in
good. I got a foreign internship in Bangkok, hopefully going to score good in
CAT exam and got placed in first phase of placement. Hence all well that ends
well.
It was also very remarkable year for many other reasons.
India won its 2nd Cricket World Cup, Sachin scored his 99th
ton (though I was expecting him to complete the century of centuries), Osama Bin
Laden got killed, Anna’s campaign against corruption and a lot of other
remarkable things. It is a year that I will carry with me for the rest of my
life. This whole year I managed to remain single. So no headache of serious commitments.
Apparently I also got ditched from my pseudo GF on the very last day of this
year, that too on a message which said “Sahil Saini…itz d last day f year…n I want to end everything
here….tatzz oll I hv to say…I dnt hv ny xplainatns fr dz…so goodbye…m srry cz I
hv hurted u bt I cnt b wid u…..oll I want to start a new beginning frm tommrw…hate
me or love me… it doesn’t matter…hv a nyc lyf ahead.. gud luck fr d future…take
care…”
Anyways I moved on in less than an hour. Not that I wanted
to but I had to. Afterall she herself said that she thought me as a fucking
matured. Didn’t she?
Anyways 2011 is gone and it’s time to look forward for
another even year. I already had a great
start by taking a week off from college and coming home on very first day of
this year. So much in mind for this year already. Not much resolutions but
gonna read and write a lot. Keep your fingers crossed and hope for the best.
Who knows I might come up with a novel this year?
As you set out for Ithaka
hope the journey is a long one,
full of adventure, full of discovery.
Laistrygonians and Cyclops,
angry Poseidon – don’t be afraid of them:
you’ll never find things like that on your way
as long as you keep your thoughts raised high,
as long as a rare excitement
stirs your spirit and your body.
Laistrygonians and Cyclops,
wild Poseidon – you won’t encounter them
unless you bring them along inside your soul,
unless your soul sets them up in front of you.
Hope the voyage is a long one,
may there be many a summer morning when,
with what pleasure, what joy,
you come into harbours seen for the first time;
may you stop at Phoenician trading stations
to buy fine things,
mother of pearl and coral, amber and ebony,
sensual perfume of every kind –
as many sensual perfumes as you can;
and may you visit many Egyptian cities
to gather stores of knowledge from their scholars.
Keep Ithaka always in your mind.
Arriving there is what you are destined for.
But do not hurry the journey at all.
Better if it lasts for years,
so you are old by the time you reach the island,
wealthy with all you have gained on the way,
not expecting Ithaka to make you rich.
Ithaka gave you the marvelous journey,
without her you would not have set out.
She has nothing left to give you now.
And if you find her poor, Ithaka won’t have fooled you.
Wise as you will have become, so full of experience,
you will have understood by then what these Ithakas mean.
PS: One of the best poem I came across on Career Launcher website.
Well the awesomeness of the awesome journey through Thailand
has come to an end. And to be frank throughout the whole 2 months I didn’t get
the time to breathe, so hardly I wrote. There has been numerous hellnuma
experiences ranging from good to worse and each one is blog-worthy. But,
unfortunately, I would not like to share every experience, say it’s personal or
whatever.
When it comes to experiencing anything new I am always in the
front row, whether it is a hangover experience or the experience of eating a
cockroach. And thanks to Thailand-The land of smiles for providing me numerous unforgettable
experiences. And now I knew the reason why it is called as land of smiles;
though land of angles would be equally good, considering the many beautiful
sales girls in their colorful outfit, which makes sure you are paying all of
your undivided attention, are capable of selling almost anything. And even if
you try to divert……Hey are you paying attention! I am pretty! The best part
about Bangkok tourism is its night life, which is infamously crazy and wild,
and also the main reason why I was so excited about coming here. Bangkok has
pubs and bars nearly in every street. There are many nightclubs, discos and
dance bars spread all over the city. The area around such bars is really very
colorful. The whole street is full of angel like girls in the smallest possible
outfit and loud rock music. You can’t resist yourself to enter in any of those
clubs once you see it. The go-go bar is the institution for naughty nightlife. The
nightlife here is very vivid, colorful, wide, juicy and much greater than I
expected. Unfortunately I can’t describe it here, as I have to do my best to
make my blog family friendly.
All I can summarize about Bangkok is delicious spicy food, awesome
city that becomes more vivid during night, big and clean buildings, many great
beaches around, most wild and crazy nightlife, a very clean respectable culture,
where everyone has his own freedom without any criticism and very lovely and
open minded people. It is a place that brings out your childlike enthusiasm towards
the life. It is a place to experience and live your life to the fullest and to
feel alive one more time. No wonder all the time I spent there, reminds me of
the movie “Zindagi na milegi dubara”. But no worries I can have it one more
time. All I have to do is to go to there.
I have absorbed each and every thing about Bangkok and all I
feel is being loved by it.
Finally I want to write something. Actually I wanted to do so for so long, but I didn’t get any time for it or you can say that I just didn’t want to write because there are so many things to write and actually I couldn’t even begin with all the new experiences because I am afraid that I might end up spoiling the feel. But now I can give you the glimpse of all the many wonderful things and experiences of here. There are so many things to tell. This post just gives the gist of few things of many.
The uniqueness of Bangkok is evident to anyone who has spent even a night in this city. It offers some of the craziest, wild and unforgettable experiences that one can seldom have. And if you have 2 months instead of few days I bet you will see many other aspects of this city, other than sex and nightlife.
From Delhi to Bangkok
As I entered the Delhi airport, I was like on the top of the world. That was the time I had imagined several times and in several different forms. Ready to go on my first flight ever! A little excited, a lot of ecstasy and not at all scared. For the first time I knew that plane journey can be really boring. The flight was empty and there were not many people. So I got back to one seat behind where this one really cute Bangkok NRI was sitting. I don’t know doing that was odd or not, but the 4 hours journey became fun and the whole time we two were talking. When the plane was about to land, the view of the Bangkok city was really see-worthy. The whole city lit with lights and looked like a jungle of buildings. The landing wasn’t much exiting like take off.
I entered a completely different world as soon as I stepped out of my plane at the Bangkok airport. The airport was very big and it was nice to see completely different people around, mostly white skin, cute and beautiful. The best part was I could see so many uncovered sexy fully waxed white legs right from the thighs to foot. Outside the airport it was humid enough to sweat my whole body. Just outside there was smoking zone where I was standing waiting for taxi and I could feel all the smoke suffocating me. There, I couldn’t even speak to anyone as most of them didn’t know English. So it was a big problem for me there to ask anyone from which exit gate should I leave, where can I get a taxi and more. Even the taxi driver didn’t know English and so I couldn’t even tell him my destination. It was a total chaos. I was in a completely different country, away from my parents, alone, without any phone connection and I had limited cash in my pocket. So I first bought a sim from the airport first and called a Thai friend, who also didn’t know much English but atleast he did help me by talking to the Taxi driver and finally I reached my apartment. The very first night at dinner I got a glimpse of orgasmic meat and fleshy food with every dead animal screaming “Welcome to Bangkok”.
The apartment
My room
I am living in an apartment which costs me 3000 Bahts per month and it is a spacious apartment with all the facilities like AC, Fridge, Washing Machine, Dining Table, Kitchen, Microwave, Coffee making machine and what not. The whole apartment has wooden floor and it is so clean that we don’t even are supposed to wear slippers inside the apartment. The house is guarded by 6 dogs, sorry 3 dogs and 3 tigers, who roar at me every time I leave or enter the house.
KMUTT University and my lab
First Floor,Library
The university is smaller than IIT, but the buildings are mostly 7-8 floors. The library is really awesome. It has 5 floors, a cafeteria inside, really comfortable couch for studying and sleeping, an entertainment room where you can watch almost any movie by asking them for its DVD, has separate cabins for group studying, or individual studying and what not. Actually I was surprised to see a movie room, a piano and a big chess in the library until I read in someone’s blog that first two floors are entertainment section. In short, the library is supercool and is a good place for hangout and studying both.
My Lab
My lab is like one of the labs of cool guys. Fully Air conditioned with high speed internet connection, and free snacks and coffee anytime. I am not supposed to come lab at any specific time, and so taking its advantage I wake up at 11 or sometimes 12 and reach my lab at around 1-2 after having my lunch to be back by 5-6. Only once my professor comes and sees what I am doing and discuss if he really had anything to.
Thai language
The initial days at the university were one of the memorable moments of my life. We used to hang out with some of the really cool Thai buddies who used to teach us Thai. There I made a bunch of good friends and spent a lot of good moments. Many hangouts, lunches together, bakar sessions, sarcasms, light flirting and the best part was the mixture of people from different countries and we learnt a lot about each other.
Thai Food
Khaopad gai (Fried rice with chicken)
If you are a vegetarian (like I was before coming here) then I bet you will scream, possibility is that you will even vomit on seeing the food here. Every square inch of the streets and sidewalks is covered by street food chains all offering a variety of meats like pork, chicken, shrimps, fishes, squids, frogs, and others, many kinds of fruits like banana, mango, papaya, different kind of noodles, curries, desserts and many varieties of spicy foods. Khaosan road even offers you some crabs, scorpions, insects, beetles, grasshoppers. And I bet they taste delicious with soya sauce. You can make any food spicy here by adding a little of something in anything. You go anywhere near any food shop your nose will be filled by the aroma of singeing flesh and meat. I generally have every kind of food with meat except pork. The food here may cost you as low as 30 bahts or as more as 400 bahts if you are dining in a big restaurent. Generally my lunch costs me around 40 bahts which includes khaopad kai(fried rice with chicken) with a soft drink or ice tea. Pure vegetarian food is hard to find here. Here they have funny style of drinking anything. They fill a glass with ice, pour water or any soft drink in it and drink it by straw. I have even seen people drinking hot coffee or even beer using a straw.
There are a lot of departmental stores like 7-eleven, Tisco Lotus, etc. there are more than 1000 7-eleven spread throughout the Bangkok where you can buy any general item ranging from your readymade breakfast and milk to alcohol. So you don’t have to walk more than 300 meters from any place.
Transportation
Transportation here is cheap if you don’t consider taxi. Short distance means of transporation are tuk tuks (also known as krapong in thai), motorbikes, vans(mini buses) and buses. You can go anywhere in downtown using the bus and the routes and the bus numbers are clearly mentioned in google maps that too pretty much correct. Most buses are air conditioned but there are also non AC buses but the difference in rate is very small. Some buses have a flat rate of 7 bahts or 12 bahts for going anywhere and some charges on the basis of your destination. The buses have different color like red, green or yellow and actually they have a meaning like which is AC or which charges a flat rate or something. If you want to go within district tuk tuk can take you anywhere for a flat rate of only 5 bahts. Buses, vans and tuk tuks run all the time from 5 am to 11 pm. If you want to travel after 11 pm you have to take a taxi as there is no other alternative. Sky trains is also a good option. It connects major parts of the Bangkok and while travelling in these trains you might get to see a clear view of Bangkok. And from any tall building you can see a panoramic view of the entire Bangkok and it looks like a jungle of buildings.
Thai Culture
Thai people are very peace loving and they have a strong culture, somewhat similar to India. Like they also had similar stories like Ramayana where a demon kidnaps someone’s wife and then he kills him… and blah blah. People here are very nice and kind and far better than Indians(sorry to say that!). They mind their own business and never interfere in other’s life (pretty much opposite then Indians..eh?). People don’t make eye contact with anyone while going on a street or somewhere, especially with the opposite sex, as it is against their culture. Even the college couples never show any physical touch in public like walking hands in hands or kissing. They are very much cultured and sensible. People are really polite and have a habit of saying sorry and thank you every time. Here both men and women work equally hard, you will see more women than men in the shops or any restaurant. Obviously here is no gender bias and women are equally respected. Thailand is also a home for homosexual people and they are treated equally good with no criticism. There are many places in/near Bangkok like Patpong, Pattaya etc where you hear a male voice calling you and you turn up to see a women!
Tomorrow morning as we all wake up in our bed, we are
neither here to remember the immense beautiful moments of just went 365
beautiful glorious days, nor we are here to mourn the days which we want to
revert back deep somewhere into our hearts. Life is all about moving on, and
all of us will move on burying this year too along with the previous ones deep
inside our hearts, only to revive those moments at some time. No matter whether
this year was great for you or was very painful, it will be forgotten and will
be faded in the history pages.
Resolutions – I know no one fulfills any but still it gives
me a sigh to finally have some.
I am not going to waste even a second in this year. Keeping
yourself busy keeps your mind from all the creepy idle thoughts and helps all
your work done in time and with great efficiency.
This year is going to be the most important and my full
career will be decided in this year. I have my intern and placement and cat
exam in this year.
I will read a lot in this year. It has been correctly said
that books are our best friends. Plus reading them really benefits us a lot.
I will write a lot. I am going to do some serious blogging,
apart from love and emotional crap.
After midnight
A thought : Time flows at a miraculous speed. Isn’t it?
Today is a special day. Why wouldn’t it be? It is the first
day of the year 2011.
It is the day of hope and inspiration for a lot of people
who had decided to do a lot of good things in this year. It is the day to make
a lot of resolutions and act upon them, to wish and hug your dear ones, the day
when you can finally stop moaning over your previous days and can start your
life from a new end. While many of us had a splendid bash of this New Year at
the midnight, I was just lying in my bed ready to sleep while the clock ticked
12.
In retrospect: the year 2010
My greatest regret for this year was that I didn’t click
many photos. So this year I am going to click lot of photos as memoirs.
I have learnt that many of the wrong decisions related to my
emotional life have been taken by me by waking up till late in the night when I
really have nothing to do. So I would keep myself busy during such weak and
soft hours of the day.
Never fall for or get serious for any girl. Not because this
is not the right age to fall in true love but also because you will lose all
fun plus it will jeopardize your career. Never propose a girl in your life,
atleast not now. Start using the word “like” more than the word “love”. Believe
me it changes everything for good. Don’t ever try to define your relation with
any girl, either. Some things are best going when allowed them to go the way it
is. Let the time decide the course of your relation.
Your time will pass very quickly like this year. Manage your
life accordingly.
Don’t eat too much of junk. It spoils your health.
Life is beautiful. Enjoy each and every moment of it. These
are really the best days of my life.
Well overall the year 2010 was wonderful. I mean seriously!
Whatever happened in this year, good or bad, I learnt a lot from it. I had
experienced hellnuma new and different things in this year. Plus I guess my
thought process has gone a drastic reversal, in a good manner. Now I see
everything-(say it life, friends, love, my career, love, anything) with a
different perspective. A real sense of maturity have come into me. I am no
longer a misanthrope and above all I have started to love myself, once again!
As I entered the year 2011, and looked back all what comes
to my mind is what a wonderful year 2010 was!
I hope that this year brings in your life everything you
ever wished. I hope this year will bring the prosperity to mankind. I hope that
this year will bring smile on the millions of sad faces of this country. I hope
this year make earth a better place to live on. I hope when I wake up tomorrow
sun is as bright as it had been in my dreams. I hope.
I wish you all a very happy and prosperous new year 2011.
The semester, I finally decided to study. I tried much
harder than before but still I don’t understand why I couldn’t score well in my
academics and my cgpa is always shy of 7 by few a decimal. Anyways I am keeping
my cgpa moaning for the beginning of my next semester.
In this semester I finally felt like I have grown up and
left my childhood far behind, only as memoirs. Finally, I became sure about what
to do and what not to do related to my career. I joined career launcher for my
mba preparations early this semester. I finally got ideas about internships and
the companies coming in for placements. Obviously when you are in your 3rd
year of college and you are supersenior you feel a little more grown up and
more responsible than your fellow juniors and you have more experience and
knowledge about everything starting from your core field to pragmatic skills. We,
all civil 3rd year students were taken to a surveying camp in
haridwar where I got the vibes of a real civil engineer. So, overall this
semester was very good and hence it should go into my book of life.
On friends
Finally, in this semester I got the friends whom I want
to hangout with and who are totally of my type, means who completely
matches my taste and can laugh at my jokes. So overall I stayed in a happy
friend circle with lot of hangout parties, bakar sessions and chapos! Unfortunately
I screwed up with two of my good friends in this semester.
On romance and relationship
Well this was the only semester when I stayed completely
single throughout it. I received proposals and I sent proposals. I rejected
them and mine was rejected too. Either way, I was staying single. Yeah! And I felt
independent, free and happy. I tried to hit on one of my friends. I even had a
meltdown for her and have tried everything I could. Unfortunately she wasn’t of
that type. Anyways there was a little flirting going on throughout the
semester.
On fun and masti
In this semester, I watched a lot of movies. And that means
A LOT OF MOVIES. I didn’t find any good season so I missed that. I had a lot of
fun in this semester with friends, and even with enemies. I laughed till my
stomach bursted and like I have never before. I had enormous hangouts and
chapos. I had had drinks in some parties. I had a lot fun at paniit. Everything
was so great in this semester. For the first time I lived a semester and so I love
this semester.
Often the world accuses me of being very immature towards my
feelings towards girls and my so called well wishers, though very rare in
number, laughs at me, throwing rebukes and sarcastic comments about my getting
senti for a girl from week after week, months after month and year after year.
Yesterday, after screwing all my exams, when I was quietly
lying in my bed after a supper, I happened to look upon all my relationships,
and came to the conclusion that setting aside all the daily crushes, weekly infatuations
and monthly false feelings of falling in love with “n” number of gals, I had
been in a relationship with 3 girls. Here is the summary of all my three
relationships and my honest and pragmatic views about them.
Just got into prestigious IITs, entered college for the first
time and being friendly with girls for the first time in my life, all these
things dissolved me in an unfair world of love. And that’s how and when it all
started.
The girl “a”
The first love, the ecstasy, lot of hopes and fantasies in
the air. Ahh!! Yeah, in the starting the
moment I talked to her I feel rejoiced and satisfied. Whole day I spent
thinking about her and the day passes with the blink of an eye with all the
sweet messages that we shared, even when our lectures were going on. I became
completely absorbed in her for quite a few days before the break up happened.
It has been a couple of years since the relationship has
fallen behind and lost somewhere in the book of my life. I was a jackass to
have proposed her knowing she was already committed, but she was more stupid to
have said a yes after she broke up with him. Well the relationship doesn’t last
long and I don’t know why but she broke up, and then suddenly everything
stopped and the kingdom of my love started falling. No chatting, no phone calls.
But there were many advantages of this relationship to me. She taught me the
initials of love. She taught me everything life a mom teaches to their new born
babies. She broke the virginity of my soul and emotions and since then
everything came out of my shyness.
We stopped talking after the break up but 14 months later we
again become friends, just on net. There are many interesting things about A,
which I wanna share with you all, but unfortunately can’t disclose here on my
post.
The girl “r”
Moving on after my first break up in my life wasn’t easy.
Though now I laugh at my relation with “a” knowing how stupid and childish it
was. That was the point when I found r to comfort my life with emotions. Yet it
was nothing but a compromise to me for recovering, only that I didn’t know this
at that time. This relationship has faded in my history pages just like my
feelings for her faded slowly with time and I realized that I couldn’t be in
this relation anymore. But I could only blame myself since I was the desperate
who started all the frontline and I was the stupid who decided to quit. I don’t
think about her much, but I just hope she’s fine.
The girl “S”
Till now neither of the two girls had given me the 100%
feeling of loving and being loved backed equally and that was the reason I lost
faith in this word and had fully decided never to enter again this kind of
shit. At that point S came into my life. Yes S means sweet. S means sober. S
means simple. S means social. And yes S means she…..
Initially we became very good friends and then numerous
daily phone calls and long hourly chatting with a lot of flirting. Slowly we
came so close to each other that we both knew that we are in love, though I
don’t remember when, how and why this friendship converted into love. But it
was a different feeling from my past 2 relations, for sure. I had carved and
enjoyed each and every moment of life of our future with her. I laughed with
her and I cried with her. The extent to which she cared for me is impossible to
describe in words. We have shared each and every moment of our life. With her I
felt so complete and associated with her are some of the finest memories of my
life which can never be faded. The love grew so intense that we couldn’t be
away from each other for long. Our love converted into possessiveness which
eventually became the reason of our breakup. The break up was very hard from
both the sides and it took me ages to move on. The mysterious break raised a
thousand questions as what actually happened. The experience was a lot tragic
but there are its positive impacts too. She taught me the real meaning of love
and how to love a girl with full passion and give her my 100%. She completely
transformed me and changed my life and my perspectives towards love. Not often,
but I still recollect the infinite good memories associated with her which
leaves a smile on my face.
Well, truly speaking, till date she’s the only girl in my
life whom I loved truly and sincerely. I was really serious and crazy about
her. Till today, I have never found a girl like S who can love me more than
herself. If given a chance, I would love to have S back, given she’s same as
she was.
Still today, I try to figure out often, thinking on the
consequences and repercussions, the course of life that followed me after a, r
and S.
Have you ever lost yourself? Yes? Ever found yourself then? Does
it puts a smile across your face, all that pain... and if you like that saline
taste of your own blood read on...even if you don't I know you'll read !
Hi. I am Sahil, presently in Noida attending the PANIIT-2010
conference. And right now I am drinking, 4 pegs of Scotch inside me and 2 more
waiting to be gulped by me in next 20 minutes and then I will be floating in
the air. I know with each drop of it my life is getting shorter and shorter.
Each drop is entering into my blood changing its composition and making it more
alcoholic. This blood is being transferred in my whole body and finally to brain.
My eyes are closing and I am falling. To me, it seems, the whole world is
falling and the whole world seems so miniscule and insignificant to me. The
people seem to be revolving all around me. They have familiar faces and yes I
know few of them (though the dog nearby seems to be more known to me and yes I
can talk to him). They are trying to hold me close and they don’t want me to
drink more because they say I can’t control more. There are other people too,
who also boasts a lot that they don’t drink, but now are quietly smiling and
watching me as If I am the host of some freak show. And there are some voices.
Wait! Let me listen …………. (Sorry I can’t hear you anymore, you don’t exist for
next 4 hours, so you better be quite). And that’s the point where I started
existing and my thought process started.
I keep on drinking it without a hint of guilt as it helps me
in dealing with the truth. Truth? Truth, I know it, that I am insignificant to
this universe and one day I will be eradicated from this planet and it won’t
even make a penny-difference to the universe. I mean I may write good blogs, I
may love a girl more than anyone can but so what? Like the dinosaurs and
Shakespeare one day I will too be gone. Even the Microsoft windows and Google
will be gone too. Then what? Forget about me, even the eradication of this
planet won’t make any difference to the universe.
You know I had dreams like all of you. I had always dreamt
of ending up at a big goddamn fucking job which would pay me enough for
everything and ending up as millionaire. I also had dreamt of marrying a hottie
which is obviously too much for me, residing in a big city like New York and
hence living happily ever after, which seems like a perfect ending. But now it fucking pinches me since I have
realized that I am decaying and deteriorating each second and knowing that I am
no more than a rotten egg.
There was a time when I used to think what is right and what
is wrong. But seriously do you think what is right is actually right and what
is wrong is actually wrong? I mean seriously…
do you ever think? I mean what is right is actually right and what is
wrong is actually wrong? Really?
But what if they are wrong as they were about the earth
being flat?
What if they are all fools who entertain themselves
everyday?
What if it all started wrong right from the beginning?
What if black is actually better than white?
What if pain is the real happiness and happiness is the real
pain?
Is it right to kill people? Is it right to abuse god? Does
god really exist? What if it does? And what if it doesn’t?
What if drinking is actually better for your health as the
worst thing it can do to you is “just kill” you… I mean… seriously… do you ever
think?.... (vomit…vomit)… damn !!!
I like this thing inside me… yeah ! Anyways who cares?
PS:
PANIIT
2010 was fucking awesome, especially the free food and drinks. ;-) Though I do feel guilty for the night. Shollleyyy.
PS: I am not mad. I am just drunk with emotions all the time.
Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for a while and leave footprints on our heart. And we are never ever the same.
Who really want me as their friend? I know I am weird and
everything seems so stupid to me. I don’t care. I never did. And I never will.
It’s pretty much how life works. Isn’t? I make friends and
then lose them and make better new friends. Some try to dominate me and others
are dominated by me. Me? I know I am weird. Pretty much! But who doesn’t wants
to be different? Atleast I do!
Truly speaking I have never gotten upset about people coming
and going out of my life. It’s not that I don’t consider my friends important
or don’t respect them. I am very faithful towards them and can put my life at
any stake for them. But it’s just that I have gotten so much used to going and
coming out of new people. Infact who doesn’t want to make new friends?
Those who know me know I am a prick, a douchebag and a nerd.
I know making friends is important, very important. Yet I never try making new
friends. It’s just that I like talking to people I feel like or the one of my
type. I don’t make a “Hii, Hello” relation with any senior just for the purpose
of getting any help in future. Everyone knows that all seniors, who are my
friends, are because of the bond that we share and not because of any fake
greetings we exchange.
When I meet people for the first time, I don’t understand
why they take my sarcastic comments personally and get angry. Anyways it didn’t
even bother me. But it did to them. I hate doing friendship with such
geeks. And you can clearly see my lips
muttering “FUCK YOU”. I want people to take my joke just as a …………. JOKE.
Nothing more and nothing less!
I don’t think that I need to sacrifice my true identity just
to be friends with you. Do I? I think that as a friend you should accept me, my
good as well as bad qualities. If you decide to exit my life then it really is
no skin off my back. I'm not changing for anyone. I was told by someone a few
days back that I am "not the guy I used to be." Well,
obviously you didn't know me well in the first place. Then again, you all are
not the people I thought I knew either so I'd say we're even.
PS: I love kids. They are so innocent, cute and honest.
Needless to say naughty!
PS: Song of the day “ Jaane kyu log pyaar karte hai”.
Awesome song. Really !
He: Nothing. You know
I love a girl very much. But she doesn’t talk to me much.
She: What? Why don’t you call her up? May be she will.
He: Well I am not quite sure she likes talking to me. Else
she would have called me.
She: No. Girls are very shy in these matters. You have to
take the first step. May be she waits for your call. You know I too love a boy
but he never calls me. I wait for his call for hours.
He: What? You love a boy? Who? You never told me.
She: Yeah. I love him very much. But he is an idiot. He,
like you, also thinks that I should be the one calling him. Dumbo!
He: So he never called you up? Ever?
She: Only once or twice.
He: May be you should call her. It’s better than waiting for
his calls for hours.
She: Hmm. Maybe I will. But what about you? Why don’t you
call your girl?
He: I just did.
She: Hmm. You know my guy isn’t that stupid. He does call me
sometimes.
This may be weird but I am getting a feeling as If I have
grown old. There are several things that make me think so.
I no longer take interest in chats and long bakkar sessions.
I no longer shed tears in a romantic movie or while
listening to sentimental music.
I have stopped coming online 24x7. I am not an active member
on social networking sites like orkut and facebook.
I no longer put eye-catching status messages on gtalk.
I am happy with my old nokia 1600 set and don’t ask for a
new phone with QWERTY keypad. I don’t even recharge my phone with a message
card and have stopped replying to stupid “hi! watsup” messages.
My emotions have become more pragmatic and less inclined
towards anyone.
I have become a stoical and nonchalant person who no longer
gets hurt by people’s comments.
I always say to people that “childhood was the best part of
my life”. Doesn’t this clearly show that my childhood is over?
I no longer go to canteen late in the night as I think that canteen
food is insipid and aesthetically unfit.
I can spend 350 bucks for a dominos cheese burst but will
bargain even 5 bucks with a rickshaw tender.
Whenever I see rain I want to go out and dance like a kid but I stop
myself because I don’t wanna take the pain of getting wet and drying myself. Maybe
I am afraid of water. Plus I think that I am too mature for such kind of
nonsense. God! What has happened to me!
I think that I have seen enough of chicks in my life and now
am no longer get attracted or infatuated towards any hot girl. The feeling of falling
in love seems to be buried ages ago. I have stopped building castles of love and
fantasies in air (typical characteristic of a teenager).
I no longer shout at or chuckle with my sister. Neither do I
fight with my parents to fulfill any of my stupid fantasies.
I no longer buy/want to buy the things that I always wanted
to, the things that satisfied my tastes and passions.
I start a novel but never reach beyond 50 pages. I don’t
even watch a full movie at one stretch.
I no longer love to play video/computer games and consider
those as kids who do.
I have started taking bath regularly (What the fuck!).
I know my SWOTs (strength weakness opportunities and
threats).
My hairs have started falling and few have become white.
The number of cosmetics that I use has fallen from 12 to 1.
I have even stopped using facewash and prefer washing my face with soap.
My stubble grows very fast.
I have started valuing people in my life.
I laugh at the things that hurt me once (the best part!).
My views have become very diplomatic, political and
phlegmatic. I am worried and feel very much insecure about my future.
I love to advise people like their grandfather guiding them
what to do and what not to do. I wish to help people with true heart and
nothing fishy in my mind.
I long for rejuvenation. I desperately do!
They say life begins at 60. But why I am feeling that life should
end at 20? I think I urgently need a change in my life.
PS: Finally I have turned 20 which marked the end of my
teenage.
PS: Thanks Amik, Garima, Neha, Prachi, Ankit and Samarth for
making my birthday special. And yeah the card was so stupefyingly awesome. :)
PS: Today I ride my bicycle after 16 months. It felt very good. I love bicycling.
PS: I have joined CL (Career Launcher) classes for my MBA
preparation.
PS: Nowadays life has become very tough, busy, hectic, miserable
and pathetic. I have to manage many things simultaneously like MBA
preparations, my core studies and reading hellnuma lot of magazines along with
improving my GK and gaining knowledge about business world. I wonder how I will
manage so many things!
There are some times in your life, when you feel like quitting. I am not writing this post without any reason but to tell you that this week was one of such worst time when I was hurt badly by few people in my life who left me feeling betrayed and left me their everlasting footprints on me. I am left wondering with a strange feeling that how people can change so easily. I have shed much of my tears in this week than I ever had in my life. After so many years, I cried freely and openly in my locked room thinking about them. My mind has stopped working and heart has been hurt badly and I have become insomniac. I am chastised for my mistakes which I did unknowingly and unintentionally. It has increased my mistrust towards people and attitude towards life and only helped me become more of a misanthrope, and left me with a feeling that I do hate myself, though sometimes I am unable to accept it. Nothing is going fine and every misunderstanding with people is just taking its worst sharp corner.
I feel like quitting. I feel like crying more and more. I feel like leaving this world. I feel like killing someone. I feel like hugging someone. I feel like... oh! To hell with what I feel. My feelings are surely a submissive slut and my tears are its most prized customer. So fuck you all who have hurt me.
I need time. I need you. I wish to go to past and make things right. I wish I get another chance to do all those things again. I need my space to live in this world. I want to be alone. I want to cry more. I wanna look into my glistening eyes. I want to listen to your voice. I want to get more hurt. I want to quit.
I think I need a break. A break from everything. A break from us. A break from we. A break from love. A break from hatredness. A break from friendship. A break from euphoria. A break from agony. A break from fun. A break from dullness. A break from truth. A break from lie. A break from you. A break from me. A break to forget you. A break to forgive you. A break to forgive myself. A break to find myself. A break to explore myself. A break to know myself. A break to understand myself. A break to buoy up myself. A break to feel rejuvenation. A break to approach life pragmatically. A break to live the life in a way it should be, rather than the way I wanted to.
I hope when I wake up tomorrow, everything will be fine and all old memories will be dead. I wish I may start a new fresh and refreshing life from tomorrow, a life completely different than that I am living, a life where I am the only protagonist, every thought concentrated only on myself, a life full of positive energy and enthusiasm, leaving every bad memory behind as a tough lesson for me. I wish I will forget my past which is nothing but gale of emotions torturing my soul.
PS: I am inactive nowadays on social network like orkut, gtalk and facebook. Don’t try to contact me through it. If your calls and messages are not entertained, please don’t mind.
