RANDOM

So long that I have written something about myself. So I am penning down random things that happened since last couple of months.

1.       I lost blogomania event for which I had worked sincerely. Fake voting sucks, I swear.

2.       Last two months had been the fastest months of my college life, so far.

3.       I screwed both my midsems and end sems. I have realized that marks are not raised by sincere efforts but by smart efforts.

4.       The time between January and April were the worst period of my love life.

5.       I haven’t been at home since Holi and I don’t know why I am not feeling nostalgic.

6.       I have not yet decided the summer plans albeit my holidays have begun. I am in awkward quandary between options and I am having strange feelings about ending up at none.

7.       I have made some good friends in IITR in the last month.

8.       I am still confused about my future plans after B.Tech, though I can’t see any other option better than CAT.

9.       Last month has been the best month so far as sophomore.

10.   I have started following phlegmatic approach towards teenage love.

11.   Few people mean a lot to me in my life. Keep loving me.

12.   8^th April was the luckiest day of this semester. In internal room allotment I got the room exactly of my choice whose probability was only 1 in 100.

13.   25^th April was the unluckiest day of this semester. I was caught taking a journal mistakenly, infact two, out of the Central Library. I had to go through a series painful and embarrassing procedure after which they finally agreed to my oblivion.

14.   This month I had eaten dinner outs more than I have eaten in last two years.

15.   Low in cash nowadays.[:(]

16.   I don’t understand how at the end of semester things sort out themselves. From studies to friends to personal problems. But this time it has bring a lot of changes in me.

17.   I am single. God! I love being single. I want to be a quintessential single this time.

.... AND I QUIT

Kabhi kisi k liye aanshu mat bahana,

Kyuki vo tumhare aanshu k kaabil nhi hoga;

Aur jo unke kaabil hoga,

Vo tumhe kabhi rone nahi dega.


There are some times in your life, when you feel like quitting. I am not writing this post without any reason but to tell you that this week was one of such worst time when I was hurt badly by few people in my life who left me feeling betrayed and left me their everlasting footprints on me. I am left wondering with a strange feeling that how people can change so easily. I have shed much of my tears in this week than I ever had in my life. After so many years, I cried freely and openly in my locked room thinking about them. My mind has stopped working and heart has been hurt badly and I have become insomniac. I am chastised for my mistakes which I did unknowingly and unintentionally. It has increased my mistrust towards people and attitude towards life and only helped me become more of a misanthrope, and left me with a feeling that I do hate myself, though sometimes I am unable to accept it. Nothing is going fine and every misunderstanding with people is just taking its worst sharp corner.


I feel like quitting. I feel like crying more and more. I feel like leaving this world. I feel like killing someone. I feel like hugging someone. I feel like... oh! To hell with what I feel. My feelings are surely a submissive slut and my tears are its most prized customer. So fuck you all who have hurt me.


I need time. I need you. I wish to go to past and make things right. I wish I get another chance to do all those things again. I need my space to live in this world. I want to be alone. I want to cry more. I wanna look into my glistening eyes. I want to listen to your voice. I want to get more hurt. I want to quit.


I think I need a break. A break from everything. A break from us. A break from we. A break from love. A break from hatredness. A break from friendship. A break from euphoria. A break from agony. A break from fun. A break from dullness. A break from truth. A break from lie. A break from you. A break from me. A break to forget you. A break to forgive you. A break to forgive myself. A break to find myself. A break to explore myself. A break to know myself. A break to understand myself. A break to buoy up myself. A break to feel rejuvenation. A break to approach life pragmatically. A break to live the life in a way it should be, rather than the way I wanted to.


I hope when I wake up tomorrow, everything will be fine and all old memories will be dead. I wish I may start a new fresh and refreshing life from tomorrow, a life completely different than that I am living, a life where I am the only protagonist, every thought concentrated only on myself, a life full of positive energy and enthusiasm, leaving every bad memory behind as a tough lesson for me. I wish I will forget my past which is nothing but gale of emotions torturing my soul.



PS: I am inactive nowadays on social network like orkut, gtalk and facebook. Don’t try to contact me through it. If your calls and messages are not entertained, please don’t mind.


PS: Adieu

IN RETROSPECT: LESSONS OF 2009

2009 has passed. But this year has given me many things and taught me some of the toughest lessons of my life. Following are the 12 most important things I learnt in my previous year: 

1) Nothing lasts forever. Say it happiness, grief, anxiety or excitement. Everything, every feeling, every sentiment and every thought will change sometime. So better enjoy the moment you are happy.

2) Some wounds never heal. Similarly there are few people in your life who come and go leaving their footprints in your mind, heart and soul, and you are never ever the same. 

3) There are some moments in your life when you are busy and start neglecting your friends, your relatives and yourselves. This can be the best time of your life for a moment, but later everyone regrets these moments. So better live in a controlled way, balancing your relations with your work. 

4) There are times when you need to make decisions based on priorities. At those times use your brain rather than heart because you may miss some opportunities that are meant to come only once in a lifetime. So never take decisions emotionally. 

5) There are few people who are meant to be part of your life, no matter how strong you try to push them away. Some relations are completely controlled by destiny, and you don’t have your say in these matter. So accept such people without giving much thought to it. 

6) If people misunderstand you, it’s their problem, not yours. You can try to make them believe in you, you can beg, plead, struggle to explain them but you will never succeed. So better give up already.

7) There is never the last time. NEVER. Mr. Late is always far better than Mr. Never.

8) Chocolate is always the solution for every problem. So eat lot of chocolates.

9) Being innocent never works. You can have a girl who loves your innocent character but life will suck you to the core. So you better be cunning, as well.

10) When it comes to my parents, I will sell my soul and principles, if I have to. 

11) To stay in a sound happy relationship, not being loved is the least of your worries. For maintaining a healthy working relationship, there are lot of other things like acceptability, character, mutual understanding, nature and compatibility. Then only a relation can work. 

Corollary:I am a big flirt. I can't be loyal to any single girl.

12) Proroguing any event is the worst thing that can happen to your work. 

PS: Though I have no resolutions for New Year this time, I will try not to repeat the mistakes I committed in 2009, and learn something from the lessons of 2009.

PS: Some things are better plain, simple and straight, like this post. Writing every post in italics wasn't a good idea.  

PS: Year 2010 can be fun.

Vote for me now! Blogomania 2010 sponsored by Odyssey360 | The 24 hour online book store with 5 milion books to choose from.

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2010

Anoder fucking year has passed... !!

This is my first entry  in this new year-2010. Many of you must have celebrated your new year with a grand party at midnight, may be with your girlfriends, kissing at midnight. i was lying in my bed till 12:00 celebrating my new year online. I was chatting with this girl with a hope to wish her first. But suddenly a minute before 12 my net was disconnected making me feel lethargic. But suddenly I could hear the sounds of people 12..11..10..  ..4..3..2..1.. happy new year...!! I went outside my room only to realise there were firings outside the canteen. I locked my room and went there. All of my friends were sleeping hoping to wake in time for the classes on first day of year. After having spent 30 minutes there i returned to my room and thought “was that’s it?” is this how I celebrated my new year. And yes it was it. Next day i was having my classes, so went to bed.

PS: My fourth semester has begun and i am realising that this semester is gonna be tough one.

PS: I have no resolutions for new year this time. Gauche??

PS: Started F.R.I.E.N.D.S season. I am finding it somewhat similiar to “how i met your mother” but characters are so dumb. :-P

PS: Struggle for a good cgpa continues.

PS: I am working on my vocab.

PS: I am thinking of having my blog on wordpress. Watsay?

PS: byee [:)]

FOR SOMEONE SPECIAL

dedicated to someone special..... SSS..... by... SSS...  :)

More www.chirkutonorkut.com

FROM HER MIND

THE UNSPOKEN CONVERSATION

Me: god, god... i never believed in you, yet you showed yourself. Tell me why life is so hard sometimes??

God: ohh.. so you realised it now... hmmm..!! at some point in their life everyone is going to realise this dude..life is as it is.. life is not hard, but it is you who make it hard. You will get used to it and then it will no longer appear hard to u... hey.. what happened.. why are you so perplexed today. Today i think you had your last exam of 3^rd sem finals. You should be happy... you are now free of your exams. Now you are supposed to have fun.. so stop blogging and go out. And you must be happy as you are going home.

Me: yeah..?? I don’t wanna go anywhere. I just wanted to go to hell and pay for all my sins. My head is too heavy with burden of all these and thinking about it make me cry. Ahh.. sins?? I don’t even know what i have done wrong. Why i an feeling so guilty and what for?? Why i am feeling that i am not living, just pretending to live?? Why i have no reasons to live and no easy way to die so young?? Why i am feeling that my body and my soul are different things?? I want to live the life of my soul through this visible part called body. I think i am just a little tired. I haven’t slept well for a couple of weeks. May be i need sleep. Yeah??

God: Hey...!! why don’t you directly tell me what’s going in your mind??

Me: i don’t know. There are millions of contradictory things lirking inside my mind, moving like turbulent flow of river turning around at every sharp corner. Thinking more about it makes me 13.6 times more depressed. My faith in you has lost a long time ago when it has reached a maximum permissible limit. The cracks in my emotions caused by so many incidents are making my building of love to crumbled under its own weight. You think that it’s difficult to be god?? Let me tell you that it is more difficult to live in a crazy fucking world of yours. fuck you. FUCK you. FUCK YOU.

God: [:O]

Me: i am feeling sleepy now. I am going. BYE.

God: hey, hey wait. U dere??

         .

         .

Me: fuck off. You don’t even exist......   and neither me..!!!

Vote for me now! Blogomania 2010 sponsored by Odyssey360 | The 24 hour online book store with 5 milion books to choose from.