LOOKING BEYOND A YEAR

10th board exam-not prepared and not nervous
12th board exam-not prepared and not nervous
IIT exam-even if well prepared very nervous


It's have been a long time I have received your compliment regarding my studies[:(]


Yes, you have done it...you have brought us a good name son...keep rocking....god you have cleared the most difficult exam of India .... these were the words my ears were used to listen when I cleared the so-called IIT exam last year. My elders blessed me, friends rejoiced and so- called “not so good friends” were jealous of me. But I was sad about my rank as it was far than my expectations and my IIT Bombay dream was for sure crushed to pieces [:(] and I remember how I had hated this for a very long time. But it was good to feel that I had made through it. I made to civil engineering it IITR.


Now after the end of my first year when I look back, the things doesn’t seems “that much bright” as it always appear to be. I wonder whether they were ever that much bright?? Or was I just living in the mist and my self created myth to achieve the so-called IIT tag?? Oh..!! The damn thing is that once you caught in this web you can never escape from it. What’s so-special here?? Nothing..!! The all same kinda bunch of buddies all trying to cover their own ass from the same mist. No orders, no shame all set-up in their own moods for the revenge like the hungry tiger waiting for a deer along the riverside though he knows their no deer here aside.


There are people playing counter strike here, watching movies, the seasons, listening to damn music…..doing everything they ever wanted to. This is not what I came here for. I came here to splash in the rapid flow of this river of knowledge whom millions of people worship even today around the world. But fuck!! It has also been polluted and the sad thing is that none from outside has done it. Its me, its u and they are all here and will always be here till more “me and u” come.


What is our life here?? A hell or might be worsen than it. Classes from 8 to 6 is no long a joke with a merciful couple of hours in between. Sometimes I myself laughs at all the funny moves here. Sometimes all here looks so strange like the circus show in the village of upper lane. Sole purpose remained limited here to licking the puissant souls of the powerful. Sometimes you look down and you find the people laughing at your own madness and now you feel disgusted and disappointed at your own move that you call for help moving wildly here and there but no one comes to rescue you as they are enjoying their own moves that you could have also enjoyed. People either don’t have their moves or pretending not to have it preserving it for their future when they will be alone. There is so swarm of cheapness around me that it reminds me of those hard but good pre JEE days. But still you pretend to be happy here just becoz of this tag and why should not they be…infact they are @the place where everyone wants to be. Believe me dis place is so weird and scarcy even more than the buffer problems of those pre JEE day.


I need a break. I am so tired. I feel irritated at this failure of my own nurtured dreams but it seems this is all what fate has in store for me. Infact it was my choice and not chance to chose dis path and I must have to be strong enough to walk here, whatever comes in my way I must be confident of my principles and I must not let my morale down.


Sometimes i feel like quitting but something stops me

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest, if you must, but don't you quit.

Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about,
When he might have won had he stuck it out;
Don't give up though the pace seems slow--
You may succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer than,
It seems to a faint and faltering man,
Often the struggler has given up,
When he might have captured the victor's cup,
And he learned too late when the night slipped down,
How close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out--
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far,
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit--
It's when things seem worst that you must not quit.