AGONY OF A TRUE LOVER

Till that day I never know what is love

And I was as innocent as a dove

But a girl came in my life

And promised to become my wife

And I was easily fallen into her trap

As I didn’t know that all this was crap

Slowly I become serious

But she was still notorious

For her love was a game

And this time on her list was my name

So I became committed

But I never noticed her love for me was limited

Then one day she was with other guy

And said me bye bye

Then she went with him on a date

Which I strongly hate

I felt as being betrayed

My feelings for her were eradicate

I was heart brokend

And after that never spoken

She left my life like a bird

And love?? I hate this word

But the story was not finished yet

And what started next was what my frnd has bet

My life gave me no alert

That I have become a flirt

In every girl I tried to find her

Even the girls in mah peer

And I started to like a girl

In which I found a shadow of her

So one day I proposed that girl

And I was again in love

My phone again filled with love messages

My phone bill was heavy

To pay them was my bravery

But I feel like getting bored

didn’t know y my love for her soared

I realized it was just a crush

Like we all did everyday brush

Now neither I can love her nor can break her heart

I realized that it was all my mistake

But what I can do when I had become fake

I am not what I wanted to be, what I need to be

But still I am just me

How stupid or dumbo you can think

I have to come out of this..

I have to become what I wanted to be

No matters how difficult or impossible it can be

Because of all the things I lost

I miss being myself the most

--- >>>self composed

IT’S ALL OVER NOW

I still remember the day when I was leaving the rajendra bhawan with two packed bags and mah darling lapy and much more and heavier than these - dreams, yes dreams to make my holidays fruitful and useful this time. Ahh.. I had already made a list before coming to my home - what to do and not what to do in these hols. Well I had planned so many things that even I was confused which to prefer first. Well reading novels, improving my English, especially vocab and learning new words, to give a damn fuck to my programming fear, learning 5 words daily for CAT, improving swimming, morning walk, learning cryptography, learning hacking, watching movies and seasons and complete mah passport making formalities were among the list.(though much was there except these :P)

Well the first week of mah holidays just went uselessly in just saying that “ abhi to hols start hui hai.. Ho jayega abhi bahut time pada hai..”.. lolzz.

And I just spend mah first week in sleeping and resting. Then I felt like buying mah medicine for life(internet connection). So after a week I bought a reliance data card(which sucked me... with a downloading speed of less than 20 kbps L). But it was sufficient enough to open mah gtalk and orkut(what else I need.. lolzz). Then the whole time I could be seen busy sitting on mah lapy.. doing orkutting and chatting. This was the only thing I was regular throughout mah holidays.

Programming fear… errrr:

To learn/improve programming was my first and topmost aim in these holidays. Well after wasting another 10 days(as I was busy doing nothing :D) I realized that now I should put myself to any work. I asked my friends about the programming classes in rohtak as I hardly knew any good teacher here(well here no teacher is that good, that’s a different case). Well I and my two friends rohit and deekshant were also learning java with me. Well I was not able to grasp even a single program, not even the basic loop programs [:O] yet still continued my classes(as it was trial classes and like always I used to enjoy them as it costs nothing…lolzz :D). But after about 3-4 days the sir asked for the payment and after that none of three of us showed our faces to that sir.

Well I kept quiet for another 2 days and didn’t utter even a single word regarding learning programming. But after two days again I started to feel crazy(like ever) regarding programming. But this time my cousin advised me to learn c and cpp first as after mastering these languages will make java learning easier. So this time I decided to start with c and I joined zad computers. Well on the very first day I was horribly afraid whether I will be able to learn it or not but the teacher was very good or you can say this time I was very much determined to learn J. Hence step by step I learnt basic concepts about c and cpp. Now see my condition at the end of the hols… I am quiet fond of programming and loving it.

--- >>> MISSION 1 ACCOMPLISHED

Swimming :

When I was in roorkee every second day I thought of going to swimming pool for swimming(becoz that Olympic size swimming pool attracts me a lot) but never found time. So in these hols I thought swimming a good time pass and a healthy exercise for the body. So I started going swimming from 3rd June and in the starting the deep water used to scare me but within a month I have learnt a lot and now I can stand in any depth of water. And one interesting thing this time was I bitched the swimming pool’s master. I changed the dates in my swimming I-card from 3 June to 13 June and ending date from 2 July to 12 July :P( only thing I did was sketching a 1 before both of the dates…lolzzz). Hahaha… and I enjoyed that water for another 10 days for free [;)]

--- >>> MISSION 2 ACCOMPLISHED

Writing blog:

Well I inspired from few of my friends who have their blog I had already decided to have my own blog. The idea came into mah mind when final end examinations of second semester were going on and I then I decided I will write my blog in the holidays. This blog you are reading is the result of that idea. Though I cudn’t write as much good as they can but still you can think my blog as a result of my idealness.

--- >>> MISSION 3 ACCOMPLISHED

Novels:

I have saw many of my classmates(like Shruti and Siddharth) who has very good literature skills and who are far better than me in English. Well what my one of the teacher suggested was to read novels(though I dnt know how much it will help me). So I had planned reading atleast 5 good novels in these hols( u see I have planned so many things… lolzzz). But I never even opened a novel in mah first 45 days..lolzz. When the last 15 days were remaining I think about reading a novel(at least I can say that I have read a novel). So I issued two novels from the library- one was "Love in the times of insurgency" and the second being "Oliver twist". Though I completed the first one but u see today is the last holiday and m leaving tomorrow and I am yet to finish 70% of it. So I decided to quit it now and will continue it next time. So mission of reading at least 5 novels ended at read only one.

--- >>> MISSION 4 FAILED [L]

Learning hacking and cryptography:

Inspired by few good hacking techniques learnt in my first year, I decided to become a good hacker via. self learning. I even think about buying the book by famous author ankit fadia. But in the initial half of mah holidays I never tried to learn. In the month of June I decided to quit this idea. I wondered what use it can be?? Just to show up your friends.. lolzz… Though hacking is a wonderful thing to learn but still I avoided it throughout my hols.

Well I had also planned to give a reading to cryptography as there is a course in our 3rd sem regarding it. So I just thought that giving it a reading beforehand will help me(anyways I wanna improve my cg this time.. seriously). So one day I opened a tutorial on it and also went through wikipedia… but shit man…. I found it damn boring… throughout all pages I only found lengthy terms which were difficult to remember(well I was not even able to pronounce it properly..lolzzz) and found some types of it(how many times I dnt remember). Well in the end I also quitted this idea…lolzz…!!

--- >>> MISSION 5 FAILED[L]

Movies and seasons:

Ahhh.. How I can miss the real fun of these holidays. After coming to iit I have become quiet fond of English movies. So it was preplanned well that I will be watching movies(infact lot of movies) and seasons during the holidays(so did I). So before leaving for the home I have copied many movies and seasons from my friends and a senior. Well few movies which I really liked are bourne series, eternal sunshine, Tokyo drift… blah..blah.. And seasons which I liked are 24 and how I met ur mother(later one being very good sex comedy :P).

--- >>> MISSION 6 ACCOMPLISHED

Daily 5 words:

My English sucks(so does now)..!! Well I have enrolled in a cat preparation site and I start receiving daily 5 words. Well 50% of those mails you can see in my unread folders [:P] but the other mails I did read(good for me). So you can see I was not completely failed in this.

--- >>> MISSION 7 HALF-ACCOMPLISHED

Making my passport:

Lemme tell you my father has bought the passport forms when I was at home for holi holidays. Though I postponed then by saying that my exms are near and I will complete in my two months break. Staring from the first day of my summer break my father asked me to fill that form but I thought that I have enough days to fill so I again postponed the program.

Well it is 10:30pm of my last day in home now and the condition is that I am still left with packing and that form(which I still hope to fill now) and I have to leave at 4 tomorrow morning(which means I have to wake up at 3... bcoz I m supposed to bath daily atleast at my home) and yet m writing this shit…!!

--- >>> MISSION 8 HOPE TO ACCOMPLISHE SOON [:D]

A WORD OF RESPECT FOR G.N.PILLAI SIR

This post is dedicated to one of my iit professor who has influenced my life in many ways.

First of all I would like to tell you about him. Dr. G.N.Pillai sir is a lecturer in electrical department of iit roorkee. He is a well built gentleman, fair complexion and has a good physique(though this is not the reason y I like him so much :P). He was not at all humorous but sometimes what he said in seriousness was good humor for us. :D. This picture is his which I took in a hidden manner during his lecture classes(which clearly shows how sincerely I used to attend his classes [:P])

He is the only person in iitr whom I have seen working sincerely and with full dedication in mah first year. He was very good at heart and besides academics he also helped us in any matter. Well I was lucky to get him as my electrical lecturer. Other lecturers are such that I even hate to call them “lecturer” as I think this term lost its meaning if it is used for them.

Lemme tell you his first appearance in mah life. On very first day - 4 aug,08 we had a electrical lecture class and he got to introduce himself to us. Well he told all of us to make a common electrical google group (which we are using nowadays for much better purpose I think :P) which he will use to teach us. I thought “what the fuck”. Cant he use the blackboard(sorry green board) to teach us. Y the hell he has to do such bullshit. Well I thought him as another shirker professor of iitr who hates to work on board(which I later realized that I was horribly wrong)

Well with time I realized that he is the most hard working man in mah eyes in iitr.

Well he was the only lecturer who daily evaluates each student and his daily performance.

He was the only one who oftenly take quizzes in the class(most of which were surprised quizzes).

He was the only one who comes in time in his class(sometimes even much before most of the population of students :P)

He was the only one who remembers each his student by his name. Most of the teacher don’t even bother to ask us our names and some who did never dare to remember them.

He was the only one who checks the test papers before time.

What I like most in him was that he was also against “bloody iit system” - the pointers system-which demands nothing but cramming. He also wanted to change dis damn system which demands nothing but cramming. No concepts, no understanding nothing. Just cram all what you have learnt the whole semester a night before and you will be a nine pointer. But we all say that sea is made up of drops but reality is that no one understands the value of a drop. So that’s the reason y this system is still there.

Well my journey with him was only for a semester. In mah first semester electrical science was the only subject which I understand without scratching my head and it was the only subject whose tutes I solved myself. I was punctual in his class as I loved to be taught my him. He teaches so well. But as you all know no student will ever like a lecturer who makes them study or work hard. So he was the only person who was hated and cursed by all. No one liked him and you can guess it pretty well and even I never had good feelings at that time. But despite of knowing all this he never back off and made his students work. And his efforts produced results too. Our D batch was leading other all other batches far behind and I got a nine(A) grade in electrical which is highest among all other subjects.

Well sir, the time has passed and I cant be with you anymore. But I just want to show you that how much I appreciate and respect you for all what you have done and I also want to be sorry for not being the one what you always want your ideal student to be. It is mah bad luck that I will never get you as mah lecturer again in my 4 yrs journey thru iit. But you have influenced my life to that extent where I have the capability to take it to produce some fruitful results. You have taught me to work harder even in the extreme conditions. You have make me strong enough to withstand to my principles which constantly were diminishing and were lost in this fake world. You have taught me how to be your own self. I will respect and love you always.

Written with full regards

Sahil

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MY FIRST CD WRITING EXPERIENCE

Hey people…!!

How are you all doing…I am in deep agony that my vacations are near end. Well I want to share my one interesting experience during holidays.

From somewhere I was given a task of making a html project on Indian Tourism. Well I had studied html a quite bit in my 9th or 10th class(don’t exactly remember) but no memory of it was left in my mind. Somehow I managed to recall by reading some tutorials online. Well everything was back on track. I have got pictures and data to write already and now I was left only with coding which I completed in another couple of hours. So I bought a cd and decided to finally copy the project in it.

Well it was for the first time that I was writing a cd. So I didn’t know that directly copying the file will not work. So I just copy and pasted the file in the cd and when I opened in the cd it worked properly. So I deleted the file from original location. Now when I again opened the file to give it a final look it didn’t opened. The cd was showing zero free space and zero used space [:O]. I wondered what has happened to it. But I remembered that I had deleted the file so the very next thing I did was to restore it from the recycle bin before it gets completely deleted and would leave me nowhere. After restoring I again decided to try it once more and yes this time it worked. Aahh what the fuck… I was overwhelmed by confusion more than some pleasure that it worked this time.

So finally I decided to try this out on my di’s lapy. There it again showed that fucked up problem - zero used and zero free space. My di told than asked me how I burned the cd. Burned??? Ooooo…. What’s that?? I told her I just had copied it in the cd. Then she cleared the confusion that cd cannot be used the way you use pen-drive. If you try to just copy in it than the shortcut will be copied. Than I guessed the reason why the cd was not working when I had deleted the file from the original location. Well some confusion was over and the next task how to burn a cd?? Di told me that cd could be burned by using nero software. Well it was already installed in mah lapy but the vista doesn’t support this software. So my di did this on her lapy(windows xp rokzz [:P]). But that was readable cd so couldn’t be reused(ohh..I didn’t knew this either [:(]). So I bought another RW and R cd from the market and first decided to try it on RW cd and if everything goes fine than in R cd.

So after changing a few paths(as links and images are dependent on system in html) my project was over and so my cd was ready. Well that project taught me nothing but yeah via. It I learned how to write a cd. Thnks to those who gave me this work to do (though in the starting I was abusing them what the fuck these shirkers gave me). Learning from the life experience is the real learning [:)] and so I am a little more intelligent and knowledgeable than yesterday…. isn’t it????

QUESTIONING AS BEING MYSELF

Had u ever been questioned by yourself in your life. If not then for sure you are not a human.
Everyone has question(s) from him/herself in every step of one’s life. One who ask and answer to themselves, move forward, and succeed. One who never try to find the answers to their questions, it remained a mystery for them though it hardly matters to them. In every step of your life you have many questions from yourself, try to look into yourself, find out the questions and try to answer them before they die with you.
You just try to find out the answers honestly and patiently and you yourself will see how easy it becomes for you to know who you are really.


I just tried to answer my few questions:


Ques. What do u think u r?
Ans. I am just another common stupid( sometimes psycho)boy who lives his life like others but thinking to be more and doing efforts for the same. I have many expectations from my life and am thinking every day, every night, every time how to achieve them.


Ques. What do you want to be?
Ans. I want to be famous, want to be known by all, want to have all fun and enjoyment in my life and achieving great heights of success, want to be successful in every step of my life, want to be loved by all and want to become the king of the world(though I know everyone wants the same, there’s nothing special in thinking so…is it??).


Ques. You think u can?
Ans. What I know is only that whenever I thought I could, I had done it.


Ques. Are you satisfied with your life?
Ans. Of course not(that’s the reason called “never satisfied” by my friends). I think one who is satisfied with what he has, has no more expectations in his life and neither he will try to achieve anything and he is as much needed and important as bullshit at the roadside.


Ques. What are the times when you think you are being crazy in your life?
Ans. Most of the times I had been crazy. Being crazier is another feeling which makes me think shit and believe me there’s nothing as good feeling as being crazy. Crazy people can do what they themselves cannot as being themselves. There are many times when I feel like being crazy like when I cleared IIT, after end of any examinations(right from my childhood it makes me crazy like a bird given freedom from any cage, when saw any charming girl(what to say if she’s the one talking to me), hanging out with my male friends(the reason I am not mentioning my date experience is that I hadn’t any yet), bunking classes in college(what’s there being so crazy) and talking bullshit with anybody.


Ques. What annoys you the most?
Ans. Someone ignoring me, someone not listening to me, someone hurting me, someone making fun and laughing at what I am, someone interfering unnecessarily in my business, seeing my own nurtured dreams breaking, seeing path made by me as useless for others, being rejected by someone for something and girls rejecting mah friend requests on orkut (reason why boys dnt is I never send them unless I know them) annoys me the most.


Ques. What makes you most happy and give you satisfying feeling?
Ans. When I completed some work successfully , dreaming the realities, when I realized my own capabilities, enjoying friends company and when I just lost in myself as being myself makes me most happy and give me satisfying feeling.


Ques. What do you think about relationships and what are their values in your life?
Ans. Relationships are the most wonderful bond of love and affection and being in a relation helps a lot. It gives you moral support and courage to move ahead in your life. Let me clear that am not talking about the fucking relationships between today’s teenagers which is mere limited to licking each other.


Ques. Are you committed to any girl?
Ans. Nopes and neither want to be. At this stage I cant live in the space that someone has given me. I need my own space to walk, to do things ,to do everything. I want to see the world from my perspective not by someone’s else. I want to enjoy the freedom of my life and don’t want to miss someone’s company when I am with mah friends. At this stage I need someone more than as a friend than a partner. I want to take decisions related to my life without thinking how it might affects someone’s. I don’t want to be in any such relationship which makes me forget what my life was as a individual. Neither I want to make any false promises to someone just to make her happy. I want to be free…to live my life….to experience things that I know after few years I cant….and to do things that I always wanted to be.


Ques. If you been given two choices - your career and to be in any relationship which one will you choose?
Ans. Believe me I can kick any relationship for mah career.


Ques. Are you crazy for money?
Ans. Yeah like everyone, I am.


Ques. Every person is different and special in its own way. What do you think are the qualities that makes you different from others?
Ans. The quality to dare to think shit which others usually hesitate.


Ques. What are your disabilities or problems that you want to overcome?
Ans. I am a little introvert kind of guy and cant interact with gals well.


Ques. If somehow you know that you are dieing in a few days what will you want to do before you die?
Ans. Don’t expect me to write that I want to take a tour to the whole world or something like that because life is not a movie or some work of fiction. If ever it happens just want to sleep, sleep and sleep until I sleep for ever.