Kabhi kisi k liye aanshu mat bahana,
Kyuki vo tumhare aanshu k kaabil nhi hoga;
Aur jo unke kaabil hoga,
Vo tumhe kabhi rone nahi dega.
There are some times in your life, when you feel like quitting. I am not writing this post without any reason but to tell you that this week was one of such worst time when I was hurt badly by few people in my life who left me feeling betrayed and left me their everlasting footprints on me. I am left wondering with a strange feeling that how people can change so easily. I have shed much of my tears in this week than I ever had in my life. After so many years, I cried freely and openly in my locked room thinking about them. My mind has stopped working and heart has been hurt badly and I have become insomniac. I am chastised for my mistakes which I did unknowingly and unintentionally. It has increased my mistrust towards people and attitude towards life and only helped me become more of a misanthrope, and left me with a feeling that I do hate myself, though sometimes I am unable to accept it. Nothing is going fine and every misunderstanding with people is just taking its worst sharp corner.
I feel like quitting. I feel like crying more and more. I feel like leaving this world. I feel like killing someone. I feel like hugging someone. I feel like... oh! To hell with what I feel. My feelings are surely a submissive slut and my tears are its most prized customer. So fuck you all who have hurt me.
I need time. I need you. I wish to go to past and make things right. I wish I get another chance to do all those things again. I need my space to live in this world. I want to be alone. I want to cry more. I wanna look into my glistening eyes. I want to listen to your voice. I want to get more hurt. I want to quit.
I think I need a break. A break from everything. A break from us. A break from we. A break from love. A break from hatredness. A break from friendship. A break from euphoria. A break from agony. A break from fun. A break from dullness. A break from truth. A break from lie. A break from you. A break from me. A break to forget you. A break to forgive you. A break to forgive myself. A break to find myself. A break to explore myself. A break to know myself. A break to understand myself. A break to buoy up myself. A break to feel rejuvenation. A break to approach life pragmatically. A break to live the life in a way it should be, rather than the way I wanted to.
I hope when I wake up tomorrow, everything will be fine and all old memories will be dead. I wish I may start a new fresh and refreshing life from tomorrow, a life completely different than that I am living, a life where I am the only protagonist, every thought concentrated only on myself, a life full of positive energy and enthusiasm, leaving every bad memory behind as a tough lesson for me. I wish I will forget my past which is nothing but gale of emotions torturing my soul.
PS: I am inactive nowadays on social network like orkut, gtalk and facebook. Don’t try to contact me through it. If your calls and messages are not entertained, please don’t mind.
PS: Adieu
