IT'S KILLING ME FROM INSIDE

Finally I agree with you that I have stop writing lately. And it was for the first time that I gave myself a break in blogging, intentionally. There was a purpose behind it.

First, I wanted to know whether I could live without writing or not. Answer is obviously NO which is the only reason why I have started it again, hopefully.

Second, I didn’t want to start writing again, I mean at this point of time when I am only 5 days away from my end sem examinations. I mean I had thought that I would start writing again from mid May when I would be interning somewhere. Obviously then I would have lot of spare time to kill. But today I couldn’t resist more. I mean lot of things can happen in few days and it did. There are so many things which I wanna fill your heads with right now. If I would start speaking god knows when I would stop. A lot of good as well as bad things happen with me in the beginning of this year and my mind still have those memories afresh. I so wanted to tell you all. Plus I also wrote many offline blogs, things which I write unofficially and never publish out of pride, shame or whatever. I so wanted to publish all those or atleast show them to my very close friends. I hope you could even see the frustration in this very post. I have written so many things on so many topics but I didn’t publish for a purpose.

There are so many persons to whom I wanna say sorry, so many persons to whom I wanna say thanks and so many for vengeance. In this time I have realized who my true friends are, whom should I rely upon in what situation and with whom and when can I share my things that are hard to digest by my little belly. Furthermore I regret for trusting few people more than they could be and I obviously got hurt. I also fell in love and this time I swear it is true (what are you looking at? Don’t give me how-could-you look. It’s only you dumbo. You will never know it and I will never say it and the worst part is that you could never possibly imagine it!). I almost broke down 10 times for different people and for different reasons. I also met few special persons in my life. I did some good things in good company and also some bad things in bad company of good people. I did bad things, I regretted it and did it again.




To sum up this time was vey awesome and prudent for me. I learnt so many things and I have become more mature but emotionally weak in this period. I have absorbed more things than I ever had since my childhood in my heart and I am still absorbing it. Things which are all lying there infront of you to see but never enough to gather that attention of yours. Things which you will only understand when I write. Or may not even then? Things which come from my stomach to my mouth but never come out from my mouth. Things which I want you to understand before I tell you myself. Things which I will never say and you will never bother to ask!

PS: I am writing this with respect to few initial reactions of the readers of this post. Please don't think this post as a love one. This post is not revolving around love or other crap. This is revolving around much bigger and important  concerns in my life. And please !! I am not commited at all. Can't anyone be in love without staying out from commitment. Furthermore love isn't always what you think. It can have different dimensions. Isn't?


PS: This post is not written for a single person or aimed to hit that someone special in my life. This post is written for all and aims equally at all those people who know me. I hope you would put yourself in that shoe for a moment and feel my words.