My X = a + r + S

Often the world accuses me of being very immature towards my feelings towards girls and my so called well wishers, though very rare in number, laughs at me, throwing rebukes and sarcastic comments about my getting senti for a girl from week after week, months after month and year after year.

Yesterday, after screwing all my exams, when I was quietly lying in my bed after a supper, I happened to look upon all my relationships, and came to the conclusion that setting aside all the daily crushes, weekly infatuations and monthly false feelings of falling in love with “n” number of gals, I had been in a relationship with 3 girls. Here is the summary of all my three relationships and my honest and pragmatic views about them.

Just got into prestigious IITs, entered college for the first time and being friendly with girls for the first time in my life, all these things dissolved me in an unfair world of love. And that’s how and when it all started.

The girl “a”

The first love, the ecstasy, lot of hopes and fantasies in the air.  Ahh!! Yeah, in the starting the moment I talked to her I feel rejoiced and satisfied. Whole day I spent thinking about her and the day passes with the blink of an eye with all the sweet messages that we shared, even when our lectures were going on. I became completely absorbed in her for quite a few days before the break up happened.

It has been a couple of years since the relationship has fallen behind and lost somewhere in the book of my life. I was a jackass to have proposed her knowing she was already committed, but she was more stupid to have said a yes after she broke up with him. Well the relationship doesn’t last long and I don’t know why but she broke up, and then suddenly everything stopped and the kingdom of my love started falling. No chatting, no phone calls. But there were many advantages of this relationship to me. She taught me the initials of love. She taught me everything life a mom teaches to their new born babies. She broke the virginity of my soul and emotions and since then everything came out of my shyness.

We stopped talking after the break up but 14 months later we again become friends, just on net. There are many interesting things about A, which I wanna share with you all, but unfortunately can’t disclose here on my post.

The girl “r”

Moving on after my first break up in my life wasn’t easy. Though now I laugh at my relation with “a” knowing how stupid and childish it was. That was the point when I found r to comfort my life with emotions. Yet it was nothing but a compromise to me for recovering, only that I didn’t know this at that time. This relationship has faded in my history pages just like my feelings for her faded slowly with time and I realized that I couldn’t be in this relation anymore. But I could only blame myself since I was the desperate who started all the frontline and I was the stupid who decided to quit. I don’t think about her much, but I just hope she’s fine.

The girl “S”

Till now neither of the two girls had given me the 100% feeling of loving and being loved backed equally and that was the reason I lost faith in this word and had fully decided never to enter again this kind of shit. At that point S came into my life. Yes S means sweet. S means sober. S means simple. S means social. And yes S means she…..

Initially we became very good friends and then numerous daily phone calls and long hourly chatting with a lot of flirting. Slowly we came so close to each other that we both knew that we are in love, though I don’t remember when, how and why this friendship converted into love. But it was a different feeling from my past 2 relations, for sure. I had carved and enjoyed each and every moment of life of our future with her. I laughed with her and I cried with her. The extent to which she cared for me is impossible to describe in words. We have shared each and every moment of our life. With her I felt so complete and associated with her are some of the finest memories of my life which can never be faded. The love grew so intense that we couldn’t be away from each other for long. Our love converted into possessiveness which eventually became the reason of our breakup. The break up was very hard from both the sides and it took me ages to move on. The mysterious break raised a thousand questions as what actually happened. The experience was a lot tragic but there are its positive impacts too. She taught me the real meaning of love and how to love a girl with full passion and give her my 100%. She completely transformed me and changed my life and my perspectives towards love. Not often, but I still recollect the infinite good memories associated with her which leaves a smile on my face.

Well, truly speaking, till date she’s the only girl in my life whom I loved truly and sincerely. I was really serious and crazy about her. Till today, I have never found a girl like S who can love me more than herself. If given a chance, I would love to have S back, given she’s same as she was.

Still today, I try to figure out often, thinking on the consequences and repercussions, the course of life that followed me after a, r and S.

The same routine again…

daily crushes,

weekly romance,

and semesterly infatuations…..

……and they all fall in an ever-lasting continuum.

AM I GETTING OLD?

 

Sahil asks himself: Am I getting old?

This may be weird but I am getting a feeling as If I have grown old. There are several things that make me think so.

• I no longer take interest in chats and long bakkar sessions.
• I no longer shed tears in a romantic movie or while listening to sentimental music.
• I have stopped coming online 24x7. I am not an active member on social networking sites like orkut and facebook.
• I no longer put eye-catching status messages on gtalk.
• I am happy with my old nokia 1600 set and don’t ask for a new phone with QWERTY keypad. I don’t even recharge my phone with a message card and have stopped replying to stupid “hi! watsup” messages.
• My emotions have become more pragmatic and less inclined towards anyone.
• I have become a stoical and nonchalant person who no longer gets hurt by people’s comments.
• I always say to people that “childhood was the best part of my life”. Doesn’t this clearly show that my childhood is over?
• I no longer go to canteen late in the night as I think that canteen food is insipid and aesthetically unfit.
• I can spend 350 bucks for a dominos cheese burst but will bargain even 5 bucks with a rickshaw tender.
• Whenever I see rain I want to go out and dance like a kid but I stop myself because I don’t wanna take the pain of getting wet and drying myself. Maybe I am afraid of water. Plus I think that I am too mature for such kind of nonsense. God! What has happened to me!
• I think that I have seen enough of chicks in my life and now am no longer get attracted or infatuated towards any hot girl. The feeling of falling in love seems to be buried ages ago. I have stopped building castles of love and fantasies in air (typical characteristic of a teenager).
• I no longer shout at or chuckle with my sister. Neither do I fight with my parents to fulfill any of my stupid fantasies.
• I no longer buy/want to buy the things that I always wanted to, the things that satisfied my tastes and passions.
• I start a novel but never reach beyond 50 pages. I don’t even watch a full movie at one stretch.
• I no longer love to play video/computer games and consider those as kids who do.
• I have started taking bath regularly (What the fuck!).
• I know my SWOTs (strength weakness opportunities and threats).
• My hairs have started falling and few have become white.
• The number of cosmetics that I use has fallen from 12 to 1. I have even stopped using facewash and prefer washing my face with soap.
• My stubble grows very fast.
• I have started valuing people in my life.
• I laugh at the things that hurt me once (the best part!).
• My views have become very diplomatic, political and phlegmatic. I am worried and feel very much insecure about my future.
• I have learnt sharp riposte for every touché through experiences.
• I love to advise people like their grandfather guiding them what to do and what not to do. I wish to help people with true heart and nothing fishy in my mind.
• I long for rejuvenation. I desperately do!

They say life begins at 60. But why I am feeling that life should end at 20? I think I urgently need a change in my life.

PS: Finally I have turned 20 which marked the end of my teenage.

PS: Thanks Amik, Garima, Neha, Prachi, Ankit and Samarth for making my birthday special. And yeah the card was so stupefyingly awesome. :)

PS: Today I ride my bicycle after 16 months. It felt very good. I love bicycling.

PS: I have joined CL (Career Launcher) classes for my MBA preparation.

PS: Nowadays life has become very tough, busy, hectic, miserable and pathetic. I have to manage many things simultaneously like MBA preparations, my core studies and reading hellnuma lot of magazines along with improving my GK and gaining knowledge about business world. I wonder how I will manage so many things!

PS: Addicted to Dominos pizza badly!

PS: A long journey ahead. Wish me good luck.

PS: Adios.