The semester, I finally decided to study. I tried much
harder than before but still I don’t understand why I couldn’t score well in my
academics and my cgpa is always shy of 7 by few a decimal. Anyways I am keeping
my cgpa moaning for the beginning of my next semester.
In this semester I finally felt like I have grown up and
left my childhood far behind, only as memoirs. Finally, I became sure about what
to do and what not to do related to my career. I joined career launcher for my
mba preparations early this semester. I finally got ideas about internships and
the companies coming in for placements. Obviously when you are in your 3rd
year of college and you are supersenior you feel a little more grown up and
more responsible than your fellow juniors and you have more experience and
knowledge about everything starting from your core field to pragmatic skills. We,
all civil 3rd year students were taken to a surveying camp in
haridwar where I got the vibes of a real civil engineer. So, overall this
semester was very good and hence it should go into my book of life.
On friends
Finally, in this semester I got the friends whom I want
to hangout with and who are totally of my type, means who completely
matches my taste and can laugh at my jokes. So overall I stayed in a happy
friend circle with lot of hangout parties, bakar sessions and chapos! Unfortunately
I screwed up with two of my good friends in this semester.
On romance and relationship
Well this was the only semester when I stayed completely
single throughout it. I received proposals and I sent proposals. I rejected
them and mine was rejected too. Either way, I was staying single. Yeah! And I felt
independent, free and happy. I tried to hit on one of my friends. I even had a
meltdown for her and have tried everything I could. Unfortunately she wasn’t of
that type. Anyways there was a little flirting going on throughout the
semester.
On fun and masti
In this semester, I watched a lot of movies. And that means
A LOT OF MOVIES. I didn’t find any good season so I missed that. I had a lot of
fun in this semester with friends, and even with enemies. I laughed till my
stomach bursted and like I have never before. I had enormous hangouts and
chapos. I had had drinks in some parties. I had a lot fun at paniit. Everything
was so great in this semester. For the first time I lived a semester and so I love
this semester.
Often the world accuses me of being very immature towards my
feelings towards girls and my so called well wishers, though very rare in
number, laughs at me, throwing rebukes and sarcastic comments about my getting
senti for a girl from week after week, months after month and year after year.
Yesterday, after screwing all my exams, when I was quietly
lying in my bed after a supper, I happened to look upon all my relationships,
and came to the conclusion that setting aside all the daily crushes, weekly infatuations
and monthly false feelings of falling in love with “n” number of gals, I had
been in a relationship with 3 girls. Here is the summary of all my three
relationships and my honest and pragmatic views about them.
Just got into prestigious IITs, entered college for the first
time and being friendly with girls for the first time in my life, all these
things dissolved me in an unfair world of love. And that’s how and when it all
started.
The girl “a”
The first love, the ecstasy, lot of hopes and fantasies in
the air. Ahh!! Yeah, in the starting the
moment I talked to her I feel rejoiced and satisfied. Whole day I spent
thinking about her and the day passes with the blink of an eye with all the
sweet messages that we shared, even when our lectures were going on. I became
completely absorbed in her for quite a few days before the break up happened.
It has been a couple of years since the relationship has
fallen behind and lost somewhere in the book of my life. I was a jackass to
have proposed her knowing she was already committed, but she was more stupid to
have said a yes after she broke up with him. Well the relationship doesn’t last
long and I don’t know why but she broke up, and then suddenly everything
stopped and the kingdom of my love started falling. No chatting, no phone calls.
But there were many advantages of this relationship to me. She taught me the
initials of love. She taught me everything life a mom teaches to their new born
babies. She broke the virginity of my soul and emotions and since then
everything came out of my shyness.
We stopped talking after the break up but 14 months later we
again become friends, just on net. There are many interesting things about A,
which I wanna share with you all, but unfortunately can’t disclose here on my
post.
The girl “r”
Moving on after my first break up in my life wasn’t easy.
Though now I laugh at my relation with “a” knowing how stupid and childish it
was. That was the point when I found r to comfort my life with emotions. Yet it
was nothing but a compromise to me for recovering, only that I didn’t know this
at that time. This relationship has faded in my history pages just like my
feelings for her faded slowly with time and I realized that I couldn’t be in
this relation anymore. But I could only blame myself since I was the desperate
who started all the frontline and I was the stupid who decided to quit. I don’t
think about her much, but I just hope she’s fine.
The girl “S”
Till now neither of the two girls had given me the 100%
feeling of loving and being loved backed equally and that was the reason I lost
faith in this word and had fully decided never to enter again this kind of
shit. At that point S came into my life. Yes S means sweet. S means sober. S
means simple. S means social. And yes S means she…..
Initially we became very good friends and then numerous
daily phone calls and long hourly chatting with a lot of flirting. Slowly we
came so close to each other that we both knew that we are in love, though I
don’t remember when, how and why this friendship converted into love. But it
was a different feeling from my past 2 relations, for sure. I had carved and
enjoyed each and every moment of life of our future with her. I laughed with
her and I cried with her. The extent to which she cared for me is impossible to
describe in words. We have shared each and every moment of our life. With her I
felt so complete and associated with her are some of the finest memories of my
life which can never be faded. The love grew so intense that we couldn’t be
away from each other for long. Our love converted into possessiveness which
eventually became the reason of our breakup. The break up was very hard from
both the sides and it took me ages to move on. The mysterious break raised a
thousand questions as what actually happened. The experience was a lot tragic
but there are its positive impacts too. She taught me the real meaning of love
and how to love a girl with full passion and give her my 100%. She completely
transformed me and changed my life and my perspectives towards love. Not often,
but I still recollect the infinite good memories associated with her which
leaves a smile on my face.
Well, truly speaking, till date she’s the only girl in my
life whom I loved truly and sincerely. I was really serious and crazy about
her. Till today, I have never found a girl like S who can love me more than
herself. If given a chance, I would love to have S back, given she’s same as
she was.
Still today, I try to figure out often, thinking on the
consequences and repercussions, the course of life that followed me after a, r
and S.
Have you ever lost yourself? Yes? Ever found yourself then? Does
it puts a smile across your face, all that pain... and if you like that saline
taste of your own blood read on...even if you don't I know you'll read !
Hi. I am Sahil, presently in Noida attending the PANIIT-2010
conference. And right now I am drinking, 4 pegs of Scotch inside me and 2 more
waiting to be gulped by me in next 20 minutes and then I will be floating in
the air. I know with each drop of it my life is getting shorter and shorter.
Each drop is entering into my blood changing its composition and making it more
alcoholic. This blood is being transferred in my whole body and finally to brain.
My eyes are closing and I am falling. To me, it seems, the whole world is
falling and the whole world seems so miniscule and insignificant to me. The
people seem to be revolving all around me. They have familiar faces and yes I
know few of them (though the dog nearby seems to be more known to me and yes I
can talk to him). They are trying to hold me close and they don’t want me to
drink more because they say I can’t control more. There are other people too,
who also boasts a lot that they don’t drink, but now are quietly smiling and
watching me as If I am the host of some freak show. And there are some voices.
Wait! Let me listen …………. (Sorry I can’t hear you anymore, you don’t exist for
next 4 hours, so you better be quite). And that’s the point where I started
existing and my thought process started.
I keep on drinking it without a hint of guilt as it helps me
in dealing with the truth. Truth? Truth, I know it, that I am insignificant to
this universe and one day I will be eradicated from this planet and it won’t
even make a penny-difference to the universe. I mean I may write good blogs, I
may love a girl more than anyone can but so what? Like the dinosaurs and
Shakespeare one day I will too be gone. Even the Microsoft windows and Google
will be gone too. Then what? Forget about me, even the eradication of this
planet won’t make any difference to the universe.
You know I had dreams like all of you. I had always dreamt
of ending up at a big goddamn fucking job which would pay me enough for
everything and ending up as millionaire. I also had dreamt of marrying a hottie
which is obviously too much for me, residing in a big city like New York and
hence living happily ever after, which seems like a perfect ending. But now it fucking pinches me since I have
realized that I am decaying and deteriorating each second and knowing that I am
no more than a rotten egg.
There was a time when I used to think what is right and what
is wrong. But seriously do you think what is right is actually right and what
is wrong is actually wrong? I mean seriously…
do you ever think? I mean what is right is actually right and what is
wrong is actually wrong? Really?
But what if they are wrong as they were about the earth
being flat?
What if they are all fools who entertain themselves
everyday?
What if it all started wrong right from the beginning?
What if black is actually better than white?
What if pain is the real happiness and happiness is the real
pain?
Is it right to kill people? Is it right to abuse god? Does
god really exist? What if it does? And what if it doesn’t?
What if drinking is actually better for your health as the
worst thing it can do to you is “just kill” you… I mean… seriously… do you ever
think?.... (vomit…vomit)… damn !!!
I like this thing inside me… yeah ! Anyways who cares?
PS:
PANIIT
2010 was fucking awesome, especially the free food and drinks. ;-) Though I do feel guilty for the night. Shollleyyy.
PS: I am not mad. I am just drunk with emotions all the time.
Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for a while and leave footprints on our heart. And we are never ever the same.
Who really want me as their friend? I know I am weird and
everything seems so stupid to me. I don’t care. I never did. And I never will.
It’s pretty much how life works. Isn’t? I make friends and
then lose them and make better new friends. Some try to dominate me and others
are dominated by me. Me? I know I am weird. Pretty much! But who doesn’t wants
to be different? Atleast I do!
Truly speaking I have never gotten upset about people coming
and going out of my life. It’s not that I don’t consider my friends important
or don’t respect them. I am very faithful towards them and can put my life at
any stake for them. But it’s just that I have gotten so much used to going and
coming out of new people. Infact who doesn’t want to make new friends?
Those who know me know I am a prick, a douchebag and a nerd.
I know making friends is important, very important. Yet I never try making new
friends. It’s just that I like talking to people I feel like or the one of my
type. I don’t make a “Hii, Hello” relation with any senior just for the purpose
of getting any help in future. Everyone knows that all seniors, who are my
friends, are because of the bond that we share and not because of any fake
greetings we exchange.
When I meet people for the first time, I don’t understand
why they take my sarcastic comments personally and get angry. Anyways it didn’t
even bother me. But it did to them. I hate doing friendship with such
geeks. And you can clearly see my lips
muttering “FUCK YOU”. I want people to take my joke just as a …………. JOKE.
Nothing more and nothing less!
I don’t think that I need to sacrifice my true identity just
to be friends with you. Do I? I think that as a friend you should accept me, my
good as well as bad qualities. If you decide to exit my life then it really is
no skin off my back. I'm not changing for anyone. I was told by someone a few
days back that I am "not the guy I used to be." Well,
obviously you didn't know me well in the first place. Then again, you all are
not the people I thought I knew either so I'd say we're even.
PS: I love kids. They are so innocent, cute and honest.
Needless to say naughty!
PS: Song of the day “ Jaane kyu log pyaar karte hai”.
Awesome song. Really !
He: Nothing. You know
I love a girl very much. But she doesn’t talk to me much.
She: What? Why don’t you call her up? May be she will.
He: Well I am not quite sure she likes talking to me. Else
she would have called me.
She: No. Girls are very shy in these matters. You have to
take the first step. May be she waits for your call. You know I too love a boy
but he never calls me. I wait for his call for hours.
He: What? You love a boy? Who? You never told me.
She: Yeah. I love him very much. But he is an idiot. He,
like you, also thinks that I should be the one calling him. Dumbo!
He: So he never called you up? Ever?
She: Only once or twice.
He: May be you should call her. It’s better than waiting for
his calls for hours.
She: Hmm. Maybe I will. But what about you? Why don’t you
call your girl?
He: I just did.
She: Hmm. You know my guy isn’t that stupid. He does call me
sometimes.
This may be weird but I am getting a feeling as If I have
grown old. There are several things that make me think so.
I no longer take interest in chats and long bakkar sessions.
I no longer shed tears in a romantic movie or while
listening to sentimental music.
I have stopped coming online 24x7. I am not an active member
on social networking sites like orkut and facebook.
I no longer put eye-catching status messages on gtalk.
I am happy with my old nokia 1600 set and don’t ask for a
new phone with QWERTY keypad. I don’t even recharge my phone with a message
card and have stopped replying to stupid “hi! watsup” messages.
My emotions have become more pragmatic and less inclined
towards anyone.
I have become a stoical and nonchalant person who no longer
gets hurt by people’s comments.
I always say to people that “childhood was the best part of
my life”. Doesn’t this clearly show that my childhood is over?
I no longer go to canteen late in the night as I think that canteen
food is insipid and aesthetically unfit.
I can spend 350 bucks for a dominos cheese burst but will
bargain even 5 bucks with a rickshaw tender.
Whenever I see rain I want to go out and dance like a kid but I stop
myself because I don’t wanna take the pain of getting wet and drying myself. Maybe
I am afraid of water. Plus I think that I am too mature for such kind of
nonsense. God! What has happened to me!
I think that I have seen enough of chicks in my life and now
am no longer get attracted or infatuated towards any hot girl. The feeling of falling
in love seems to be buried ages ago. I have stopped building castles of love and
fantasies in air (typical characteristic of a teenager).
I no longer shout at or chuckle with my sister. Neither do I
fight with my parents to fulfill any of my stupid fantasies.
I no longer buy/want to buy the things that I always wanted
to, the things that satisfied my tastes and passions.
I start a novel but never reach beyond 50 pages. I don’t
even watch a full movie at one stretch.
I no longer love to play video/computer games and consider
those as kids who do.
I have started taking bath regularly (What the fuck!).
I know my SWOTs (strength weakness opportunities and
threats).
My hairs have started falling and few have become white.
The number of cosmetics that I use has fallen from 12 to 1.
I have even stopped using facewash and prefer washing my face with soap.
My stubble grows very fast.
I have started valuing people in my life.
I laugh at the things that hurt me once (the best part!).
My views have become very diplomatic, political and
phlegmatic. I am worried and feel very much insecure about my future.
I love to advise people like their grandfather guiding them
what to do and what not to do. I wish to help people with true heart and
nothing fishy in my mind.
I long for rejuvenation. I desperately do!
They say life begins at 60. But why I am feeling that life should
end at 20? I think I urgently need a change in my life.
PS: Finally I have turned 20 which marked the end of my
teenage.
PS: Thanks Amik, Garima, Neha, Prachi, Ankit and Samarth for
making my birthday special. And yeah the card was so stupefyingly awesome. :)
PS: Today I ride my bicycle after 16 months. It felt very good. I love bicycling.
PS: I have joined CL (Career Launcher) classes for my MBA
preparation.
PS: Nowadays life has become very tough, busy, hectic, miserable
and pathetic. I have to manage many things simultaneously like MBA
preparations, my core studies and reading hellnuma lot of magazines along with
improving my GK and gaining knowledge about business world. I wonder how I will
manage so many things!
This post is dedicated to all my friends whom I met at some point of time and had shared some good memories.
It was 1 in the night and I was lying on my bed trying to
sleep. My cellphone beeped. I picked up the phone and read the message. It was
a message from one of my friends with whom I haven’t been in contact from
months. Probably from a year. It read “when a very sweet and close person goes
too far from us, we may say or not say, but our heart says to their heart: u
made me alone. Gud nyt !! ”
I don’t know whether what the message read was true and she
meant it or it was just a message which you can get anywhere on any site on
internet and people keep on forwarding to their as many friends as in their
list just to utilize the full money of their message pack. But that message has
raised a hellnuma lot of questions in my mind, not just about her, but about all
my friends. For next 30 minutes I wasn’t able to sleep and was became
preoccupied thinking about the time when we were friends. How occasionally we
used to text and ring each other and suddenly. And suddenly all of a sudden
both of us become preoccupied with our own jobs and even since day we didn’t
even bother to contact each other. No calls and no messages. Even no “hi” on
chats. That message reminded me of all my friends since my childhood, my school
friends, my coaching friends, my college friends and other whom I met circumstantially.
I was wondering how all of us drifted away with the flow of time without even knowing where the flow is seperating. I opened my contact list
on my phone and tried reading all my contacts and to wonder there were dozens
of friends whom I haven’t been in contact for months.
Ask from yourself. The people with whom you used to talk,
call, message or chat two years ago, with how many of them you still are in
contact with. Don’t count the number of “yes”. Count the number of those
friends with whom now you are not in contact or perhaps haven’t asked about
their whereabouts. It is obvious with time we make new friends and our friend
circle keeps on increasing. We mix up with our new friends but ofcourse in the
corner of our heart there are the memories with our old good friends which
keeps the feeling of friendship alive. And whenever you introspect those memories it rejuvenates.
I happened to notice all those friends and tried finding the
reason by we haven’t been in contact from months. With some of them I lost
contact after summer vacations. Some of them changed their numbers. Some became
busy in their exams. Some became busy with their job. We got preoccupied with
our new friends that we didn’t wish to contact our old friends and soon lost
the contact. And all of a sudden I wished to talk to all of those friends who
made me feel special at some point of time. I thought of calling all those
friends tomorrow to ask them how are they doing, to tell them I still care.
The next day I called all my friends my school friends, my
coaching friends, everyone whom I can contact. And let me tell you everyone was
surprised why all of a sudden I called them for without any reason. One friend
even messaged me after my call saying “Sahil, you are impossible!”.
Was my act that silly?
I don’t know but I felt a little more
complete after calling them. Yet they responded indifferently,
and they weren’t that open with me as they used to be, but still it felt good. And I was happy for this little feeling called friendship.
PS: Call today all such friends if you haven't think of doing that in months.
